When I was fifteen I was able to do something I had been trying to do since I was in kindergarten. I was able to get a girl I liked to actually like me back. Not only was she beautiful, she was a year older… yeah, I was the man… for the moment; you’ll see. She was exotic; she was Serbian… I grew up in very white rural Canada, so she this was exotic in my eyes. Part of this exoticism was she had this sexy accent. She was a dream. She was an amazing singer; she had a wonderful laugh; and every so often, when the time was right… are you ready for this? She wore glasses… I don’t know why that was so sexy to me, but she was gorgeous and the glasses made her all the hotter. For about six months we hung out at church and talked on the phone (yes, this is what you did before MSN messenger… MSN messenger was the cool thing before Facebook and texting; I thought I’d better explain that for any young people reading this). Our first “date” was to see Toy Story. After the movie we left doing something I had only dreamed about. It was incredible. We left… get ready for another big announcement… we left holding hands. I know, right? I was fifteen and I was holding hands with a girl for the first time! Yes, I know this may sound pretty lame to most people, but this was huge for me. In my head I was like “I’m holding her hand… I can’t believe I’m holding her hand… I’m actually doing this… oh my goodness, this is awesome!” Before that day I was a handholding virgin, but that moment changed it all. I know it was just holding hands, but for me this was huge. I got to hold hands with someone I really liked, and who really turned me on… she was wearing her glasses. It was the perfect moment.
Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I ended up being overwhelmed by guilt after. I imploded. After a month of hiding from her I broke up. I ended up going back to my old ways of liking girls who didn’t like me. I didn’t consciously think “I better go for girls I don’t have a chance with,” but that’s what I did because it was safer, and unfortunately for this young lady, she was the only girl I thought was too good for me to actually like me back. I’m still not sure why she went for me; maybe she needed to wear her glasses more to see how lame I was. Maybe she was just too nice… and needed better self esteem… and have a standard… man, I was lame. Looking back, I wish I had my older self there to help me know how to better handle the situation, but the guilt just ripped me apart. I was thinking I’m only fifteen and I’m holding hands. This is moving too fast… yeah, it’s sad, but holding hands was such a big step in my eyes. I just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. It’s no wonder it took me until I was 34 to propose.
So what is “erotic handholding”? It’s what I experienced that day with this young lady. Holding a child’s hand should be different than holding our partners. Holding hands with the person we care about should be special. Unfortunately, we quickly take it for granted and forget how lucky we are to have someone to do this with. How erotic something is in reality is based on our perspective. We need to remember how lucky we are to have a hand to hold in order to better appreciate it.
Tip: To add more excitement you could each close your eyes and simply explore the person’s hand with your sense of touch… and maybe explore a few other areas. We rarely know the person’s physical self as much as we think, especially when most people today think of intimacy as just the act of sex.
The Beatles sang “I want to hold your hand,” whereas rappers like Flo Rida sing “You spin my head right round/ When you go down”. How different have we become? I’m not saying save sex for marriage (although it has its benefits), but we need to slow things down and relearn to enjoy the simple things again. Watching TV and movies it seems like if you meet someone who appears to be a decent catch you’re supposed to have sex with them. We need to stop being so “sex” driven and appreciate the little things again. We need to realize holding the hand of someone we care about who cares about us in return is a glorious privilege.
This week (and leading to Valentines), may you re-experience the joys of simple human touch.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learn to love dumb people