Last week we discussed when a couple should break up. This week I’m going to help the other side who want to stay together and want to know how to get more “sexual healing”. For the record, I’m saying “sexual healing” because being physically intimate is important whether it’s as simple as holding hands or the more intimate things like… I’m sure you can think of a few options. I will point out, however, that Western society has forgotten how to enjoy the little things like just holding each other as TV and movies promote the idea that if you’re interested in someone or just in the mood you have sex. I believe that our bodies are sacred and we should be careful to whom we submit them; physical intimacy should follow the emotional and mental connection we have, which take time to build. That being said, here is a list for those who are in a committed relationship looking to increase the number of moments they’re intimate.
1) Be good at it: Very simply put, if you want to have more action you need to be good at it. Yes, this is a challenge because you need practice, but you might be able to use this to your benefit: “Honey, can we practice tonight so I can be better for you?” Remember, the best way to get better is to have your partner give you suggestions and feedback. Every person has different preferences, so make sure you’re communicating before, during, and after about what’s working… sorry people who hate talking, but communication is an important factor in being good in relationships and especially at being good with intimacy .
2) Be different: This is connected to the first tip; being good means not being predictable. Do a little research for new ideas because doing the same moves every time in the same order is boring. If you were working out at a gym you would need to change up the workouts to shock the body and prevent plateau. This same risk of plateau can happen with intimacy if we do the same routine over and over. Changing things up helps prevent your minds and bodies from being bored. This can be simple things like where, how, and when you touch, and with what (e.g. fingers vs. lips are very different). Even, if you’re just holding hands you could try holding hands in a different way (e.g. interlock the fingers, criss-cross arms, etc.) or use your thumb to gently rub the other person’s hand. Little things can make a big difference.
3) Be romantic: All this means is make the girl feel special and make the guy feel like the man. This can be anything from wining and dining the person or simply saying the right thing at the right time.
4) Increase testosterone: Increasing testosterone will make you have more sexual energy. The best way to do this is through exercising, especially with good leg workouts since they tend to get the testosterone going more. You can also see your doctor to look into healthy medical options, but I’d recommend working out first, especially since this can also increase self esteem and improve how you look and feel, which are great side benefits that will add to your cause.
5) Use smells to your advantage: A great tool to increase desire is to wear a certain cologne/perfume or have a certain candle lit while being intimate. If you can do this every time you’re intimate in Pavlovian fashion the smell will eventually become connected to the experience and be a tool to get your partner “salivating” for action.
6) Shower: Sweaty passionate sex is something that people tend to seek and enjoy, but it’s not very often people want to start with their partner being that way. Starting slimy and BO-y isn’t normally an attractive feature. Even if you can’t shower before being close with your partner at least clean any area you want your partner to touch or be near. Funky smells will make them avoid going there again. Plus, don’t forget other major areas like I’m guessing your partner won’t be kissing your armpit… nasty… but armpits tend to end up near faces, so definitely make sure they’re clean. And boys, over spraying Axe or cologne isn’t a good option over showering. Suffocation by your ‘BO cover up’ isn’t in a typical woman’s top 5 preferences for seduction.
7) Positive associations: If you can connect being intimate to certain positive things your partner will be more into the idea of getting it on. For instance, offering a guilt-free treat like chocolate every time you’re close may do wonders: (person thinking) “I’m tired and don’t really feel like doing anything, but I do like the idea of guilt-free chocolate after… I guess it’s worth it.”
May these tips be a source of deepening your relationship and help you get the love life you’re looking for in your relationship.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, Learn to love dumb people