Today I had an ‘oohhhh’ moment. Oprah calls them ‘aha’ moments, but my response is more ‘oohhhhhh’ because to me “aha” is more of an “Aha, I knew you were up to no good; started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight…” Sorry Fresh Prince flashback. Plus, ‘oohhhhh’ is more: “Oohhhh, how’d I not see that before?” Whatever you call these ‘waking to the truth’ moments, or ‘how could I be so dumb?’ moments, I realized that people can generally be summed up with one word. Typically, this word is discovered by comments others make because it is the impression we give others. This came to light after telling a friend that he is incredibly likeable, and he shared that this is something he’s heard before from others. He never really gave it much thought, but it makes sense when I explained it. He then said he felt that I could be summed up with the word trustworthy. This is also something I’ve been told a lot lately… it helps I’m a therapist, but even random people seem quick to share personal things with me even when I don’t ask. For instance, a few years ago a random person I met in Las Vegas was in tears after talking to me for a couple minutes. I just said hello and what do you do? How this led to a sober, mentally sound man who was out with 3 beautiful women in this minimal time I still don’t know except that he trusted me, which is a wonderful compliment. This also explains why a handful of people now hate me with a ferocity reserved for violent criminals. I occasionally speed, but that’s not a reason to hate me. If, however, people see me as someone who is trustworthy and I break this trust, the animosity makes more sense. My friend and I began finding these same phenomena with others we knew. His girlfriend is summed up with the word tender while my fiancé is summed up with beautiful. When I told Alythia this, she acknowledged that this is something she’s been told before; of course, whether she fully agrees with this is another story. Regardless, that’s the word used to describe her by many others. My mom would be angelic. My sister would be strength. Both of whom would probably have some disagreement with these words, but that’s what would best describe them in many observers’ eyes.
Knowing what one word describes you is important because it will have a major impact on your life, especially because it points out where your power is. For my friend, if he’s likeable he has the power to help others feel more accepted. Alyshia, with her beautifulness (that is a word), has a power to make others feel valued because when someone beautiful is good to you, it makes you feel all the better.
Knowing your word is also important because everything has a downside. Being likeable can lead to you being lazy and getting away with things other wouldn’t, or it can lead you to be a target of jealousy. Being someone of trust means you better strive to be trustworthy or you could really hurt someone. People of strength often end up in a position of trying not to bowl others over and looking like a bully while at the same time, these people will often encounter people trying to knock them down in some way.
All gifts have a responsibility and a flipside. The questions, therefore, become: What is your word? And what does this mean for you? This week may you discover your gift and what that means for you.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, Learning to love dumb people