The one question I have heard people of all ages ask whether friends, clients, or young people I’ve worked and volunteered with is “Am I useless?” This universal question resonates with so many people because many of us have a negative voice in our head that likes to tell us that we’re useless and that no one really cares about us. The reality is there could be some truth to this… no, I will not straight up say this to clients struggling with depression: (client) “Am I useless?” (me) “How’s it taken you this long to figure that out? I thought you were useless the moment we first met.” When I say there could be truth to this question I should also point out that we are all useful on some level. So if both of these ideas are true, what does that mean? It means what we should be asking is “Can I be more useful?” This is a great question because no one is ever fully useless, but sometimes we can be selfish with our time and/or lazy, which makes us somewhat useless. Asking if we’re useless is usually done in a self deprecating way and adds to existing feelings of sadness and not doing anything; however, if we can start asking “Can I be more useful?” then we can change our lives as we change the lives of those around us.
Let me back up a minute, and explain why we are all useful. This weekend I was in Montreal, and I encountered a Pilipino man wearing a lovely floral dress meant for a woman in a nursing home who has given up on fashion and likes to be in camouflage for couches from the 90s. This unusually clad person was wandering the streets barefoot and speaking fluent drunken-ese. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a transvestite, but more of an ‘I’m so drunk I don’t know how to put on pants so I’ll wear this; this is a long t-shirt right?’ By the looks of things he wasn’t a good drunk either. He had a black eye accented by several stitches and he had two cops watching him… and I’m pretty sure it’s not because they thought he was pretty and they wanted his number. This guy, in all his staggering floral glory, is still useful. He supported the store that sold the alcohol he downed and the company that made it; he gave the cops something to do and he gave us someone to avoid for fear that he might give us a reason to give him a matching black eye… people with black eyes have them for a reason and it’s not normally because they like to give money to strangers. Would the world be okay without him? Sure. The cops would find someone else to watch and the stores would get by with one less customer, but it’s like a rain drop. A raindrop in a lake can seem pretty insignificant, but a million rain drops make a difference; thus, even though one rain drop can seem insignificant it still matters just like one person matters. I know being useful in this world because we help give reason for farmers to farm, sellers to sell, and helpers to help may not help us feel great value, but it does mean we’re useful on some level. You could go so far as to say you need a loser to help make someone a winner; thus, if you’re a loser you’re very useful… although arguably not the way most of us want to be useful. This all being said, just because we’re useful doesn’t mean we can’t be more useful. From what I could tell, this guy wasn’t living up to his full potential… unless his purpose was to be a human punching bag. He wasn’t living a very meaningful and thoughtful life. He was just getting by. And the sad reality is a lot of us are just getting by, so when we ask ‘am I useless?’ it can be hard to disagree. Ultimately, the best thing we can do is figure out how to be the most useful we can be (in a healthy way) and do it.
So what makes someone useful? We are at our most useful when are being productive doing stuff like making things and connecting with people. Inventions will come and go, but it’s the relationships we make that help us be and feel useful. And if you really want to feel useful, consider what you can do in the name of God (tip: this should only include acts of love; not acts of judgment or condemnation).
This week may you start to see how useful you are and/or find ways to be more useful.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people