**I know parents are heading into a stressful time with Christmas, so I thought I’d give them a nugget of encouragement.
Last week I discussed how parents can lie to their children and it be healthy because there is a grey area in the pool of morality. For instance, if a young child shows his parents a picture he’s drawn, no matter how bad it looks, the parents have to respond positively: (loving parent) “That’s soooo good.” Here’s the thing, it won’t be. It can’t be; he’s a child. A monkey could scribble just as well, so the parents have to lie to encourage him. How would it sound if the parents were honest? (Honest parents with no regard for their child’s emotional development): “Wow, you suck! You’re better off eating the crayons… they’re the old toxic kind?… ehn, you’ll be fine. I’m not sure you’re fully human anyway… look at your father.” As true as this may be, parents have to keep this to themselves and lovingly lie to their children in order to help encourage them to keep developing their skills.
Parents aren’t the only ones who lie to children. Everyone does. Everyone lies to children. Have you listened to the words of children’s songs? I remember one particular song; maybe you sang it.
Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot.
Um…beans aren’t a fruit. Beans are a vegetable. Of course, the song sounds very different if we say beans are veggies. Beans, beans, the magical veggies. The more you eat, the more you get wedgied. Sure, it rhymes, but it certainly doesn’t motivate you to eat your vegetables: (confused child) “I’ll get a wedgie? Huhn, no thanks.” Either way, this song is still lying because beans aren’t magical. Maybe in the case of Jack, but how often do you find your beans grow a beanstalk to the sky? Huhn, even that story is a lie, and yet we never questioned it: (reader) “Yeah, that makes sense, magic beans. Why is the mom angry at Jack for trading the cow? He got beans with magical powers. Those are hard to find, and they’ll solve all of his financial troubles.” I think adults teach this song so boys will want to eat their beans: (boy) “Can I please have more? I’m having friends over, and I want to be the life of the party.” Notice, I say this for boys. Clearly, girls aren’t going to be as into this because girls aren’t allowed to toot… at least the pretty ones aren’t… yes, that’s the lie I believe. Tooting is hilarious, but only by guys I like; not by girls or by random strangers who leave a bad smell for me to walk into. Gross.
Another song that is full of lies is the kissing song:
Person and person sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g.
First comes love; then comes marriage; then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
I always hated this song. One, my name doesn’t fit; Chad, is one syllable. The names in the song need to have two syllables like Tommy or Bobby. I was an outcast, because I could never be included: Jennie and Cha…ad; nope let’s try: Jennie and Chaddy… ew, gross. Jennie and Bad-Chad…? “Forget it. Jennie’s in the tree with Steven.” I never got to be in the tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g-ing. To be honest, I don’t think I was included in this song because of other reasons… I was too cool. Yes, too cool. Two, I hated this song because it also lies. It says two kids are kissing in a tree… not likely. Kids aren’t allowed to climb trees anymore, (and many are too heavy for the branches) and if kids want to kiss, they go somewhere much more conducive to not falling and getting a concussion. Concussions aren’t romantic… that’s another story… I was a little too eager for a kiss. On top of this, if kids are singing this song, the two named parties aren’t likely kissing. They’re screaming, “Ew!” and running away, because it’s meant to embarrass, not share truth.
This song continues to lie because in our society how often is this statement true: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage. In our culture, it’s often straight to a baby, or at least to the pharmacy for medication to reduce itchiness and burning. To be more accurate for today’s generation, the line should be: First comes hormones; then comes bad decisions; then comes a visit to the doctor for the unwanted pustule emissions. Too realistic?
A lot of people like to blame parents and society for the problems they face, but should we be blaming them? Are the lies they allow and perpetuate ruining children for life? Hopefully not, but the thing is, as we become adults and make decisions for ourselves, we are now responsible for our own lives. The past, no matter what is there, is there to teach us and guide us to make better decisions for the future. We should never be ashamed of our past. As Pumba put it: “Put your behind in the past.” Your past is part of your life, but it doesn’t determine who you are today. You get to choose. If you let shame for your past fester, it will lead to more bad decisions. Thus, we need to accept our past for what it is; forgive it if we need to; apologize if we hurt someone, and then be grateful for how it has made us wiser and stronger today, and that it can lead to a much brighter future.
There’s a lot of pressure on parents to be perfect, but when we accept that whatever happens can make our kids stronger and wiser in the future, it can help us relax. Parents, you don’t have to be perfect. As a parent, love your partner (if you have one), love yourself and love your kids, and it’ll all work out. Love is contagious; we just need to remember to love and others will follow… maybe not right away, but our love makes a difference.
This week may you be encouraged by the fact that your past doesn’t control you, but instead it can be a guide that helps you be the best you, you can be. And may all the parents out there be encouraged as they head into the Christmas season. You don’t have to be perfect; just loving.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up