When I work with couples getting ready for their wedding they typically try to sound better than they are… some couples need to try a little harder. I get they want the minister to like them and approve of the wedding, but let’s be honest about how things work. Being faithful to your partner takes work, and sometimes it takes a lot of work. Here’s an honest little story that could make some people turn their noses at me. I was doing a wedding the other week at the Royal Botanical Gardens, which is a very nice place to do a wedding (aka expensive). There’s a tent for shade that’s surrounded by wonderfully manicured property… that’s not a promotion, but it’s to give you a picture of the level of quality this place offers. At higher end venues (aka expensive) there’s always a staff member around to make sure things are in order. The RBG is a high quality place, which means they hire “high quality” staff. No, I didn’t put “high quality” in quotations to be sarcastic… this time at least… but because the staff member they had working this wedding was very “high quality”. Guys likely get what I’m saying. To be blunt, she was hot; a smoke show if you will; a summer day that leaves you needing a cold shower… I think you get the point. Plus, unlike most venue help, she was friendly with everyone, which adds to her hotness. Some people would be surprised that I would admit that this young lady was gorgeous when I’m getting married soon, but the reality is in our world of over seven billion people we’re going to meet our share of “high quality” people; people that make you go “Wow,” which you hopefully won’t say out loud in front of your partner. You can sometimes get away with this like two years ago Alyshia and I were in the airport and a guy who looked like a younger version of Brad Pitt walked by and we both audibly said “Holy crap.” We were pretty sure he was a model, or actor… or Greek god. Everything was in perfect proportion. No, I wasn’t “attracted” to him, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him because it would just accentuate my lack of perfect proportioning. The young lady at the RBG, however, she was the female version of him… if that makes sense. To be honest, I was “attracted” to this Greek goddess. She was gorgeous, so I’m pretty sure I’m part of a long line of guys who were like “Huhn, huhn, you’re pretty (wipe drool).” This is a normal response for a man to a beautiful, friendly young lady. Just like it’s normal for women to be attracted to men who are gorgeous and/or rich. The question that is important in situations like this is: So what are you going to do? Yes, she was beautiful and friendly, which means as a committed man I need to be like “Wow… okay, I better stay away from her.” In university when I was dating someone my response to seeing a girl like this was “Wow… I don’t have a chance… so I might as well talk to her.” That led to a lot of unnecessary confusion and hurt because that girl went for me… I think she had some sort of mental issue going on because I’m… me, and not the guy at the airport.
In this world we are going to meet attractive and awesome people we could probably be very happy with, but when we commit to someone like in marriage we are promising we won’t pursue finding out whether it could work with this other person or not. Commitment isn’t saying “I won’t be attracted to anyone else;” it’s saying, “No matter how attractive someone else is, it doesn’t matter because I’m already with you.”
May you be protected from unnecessary hurt and confusion because you (and your partner) have healthy boundaries that protect you from any unfaithful desires.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people