When I was a kid, on special occasions we rented VHS videos – how old does that make me sound? My family was lucky because in the mid 80s, when having a VCR meant you were rich, my dad was able to borrow one of the school’s Betamax VCRs during the summer. We couldn’t afford one to own until later, so this was a real highlight – highlights are things that today’s generation misses out on because everyone seems to get what they want when they want. When we picked a movie out at the store, it was very exciting. Just being in the rental store was an experience, especially if you went to Jumbo video where they gave out free popcorn. For us, the movie we chose had to be from the “Family” section because we weren’t allowed movies with swearing. We were allowed to watch some “racy” movies, but only if they were on TV because there were dubbed versions like Who Framed Roger Rabbit: (Die Hard 2) “Yippee Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon.” Talk about different times than now: the 80s, a time when you could watch the Song of the South, but couldn’t say Jesus’ name in vain or call someone a female dog. Before the Simpsons, you never even heard “H” “e” double hockey sticks on TV. Now Song of the South is banned and you can pretty much say or do anything on TV depending on the station. That blows my “Mr. Falcon” mind.
Back in the 80s, it was even unusual to find many of the Disney cartoons to rent because they weren’t released yet to video. Disney made it special for each movie being brought “out of the vault” whereas now we just take them for granted on Disney+. In the 80s, this meant most squeaky clean movie options consisted of live-action Disney movies from the 50s and 60s like the original Parent Trap, That Darn Cat, and the Apple Dumpling Gang – how do you become really cool? Watch out of date movies that no one else your age watches and wonder why they don’t get your references.
One movie my family regularly watched was the classic, Mary Poppins. (Yes, that was a long journey to get to this point, but it was fun reminiscing about the 80s). About fifteen years ago I ended up being able to see the Broadway play based on the movie, and that started my obsession with theatre. It was soooo good. Unlike the Lion King, a very disappointing play beyond the costumes because it’s just the movie with strange voices, Mary Poppins was similar enough to connect you to the movie while different enough to keep it fresh (being cool was clearly never my goal). When I was at the theatre to watch it, they were selling t-shirts that said the classic line, “Practically perfect in every way,” and seeing that, it suddenly hit me. When I was a kid, I was trying to be “practically perfect” like Mary Poppins. She had somehow become my subconscious role model. I didn’t even really like her as a person, yet I was trying to be her. Part of what bothered me was she seemed more worried about being proper than loving. Plus, at the end, I thought it was a pretty jerk move the way she left without saying good-bye at the end – that’s not nice. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t “perfect” only “practically” – she ghosts people. That being said, Julie Andrews had a charm about her that was very drawing (Emily Blunt missed that in Mary Poppins Returns). As a kid, Mary Poppins was more of an authority figure, so it didn’t really bother me that she was essentially a prude, especially because she got the job done. Realistically, parents can take a lot from her lead – more strict and less wuss.
Despite the movie being called Mary Poppins and mostly focusing on her, I now see the real hero of the movie was Dick Van Dyke’s character, Bert. Bert was amazing! He was funny, loving, and made life look like fun – what I assumed Dick Van Dyke was like in real life. On one hand, he was everything I wanted to be as a kid – full of life. This was the side of me that was drawn to comedy. At the same time, I was torn because I wanted to be “practically perfect in every way.” What was I to do? Be fun or be perfect? I thought those two things were separate and couldn’t be mixed. Now that I have better understanding, I can see that being mature is knowing when to be more one way or the other. We don’t just want to be one distinct side. We need times of being serious and fun and how “serious” we get depends on the person. After all, we want to be a little bit Mary and a little bit Bert, and if we lean toward one side, we do well with someone who leans a bit the other way to help balance us out.
Looking back at my childhood, I’d say between the battle of fun and practically perfect, the latter won because I had a very strong judgemental side that seemed more prevalent at church… you know, where I should be the least judgmental – oops. It didn’t help that I was also very competitive: “I need to be more practically perfect than everyone else!” Of course, I wasn’t a complete jerk (most of the time, anyway), but this was the voice that could pop into my head, which was the twin of “They’re more practically perfect than you because you suck!” Our heads can be fun, can’t they?
Now that I’m older, I have a whole new respect for both of these characters, Mary Poppins and Bert. They are both wonderful personalities, and the world needs both of them to stay balanced. We need the Mary Poppins keeping things in order and moving smoothly and we also need the Berts who help life be more enjoyable. To take this a step further, they both essentially represent their genders really well (not that I think all women are prudes… well, I can wonder sometimes… oops, there’s that judgemental side again). Mary Poppins who is all about structure and being proper while occasionally allowing for some frivolity and playfulness represents how a lot of moms think. Women are drawn to perfection. They want to be practically perfect. Married men? Not even close. Practically perfect sounds terrible. That sounds like a lot of work without any great reward: (snobby guy) “I’m practically perfect.” (other guy) “Sorry to hear that. Want to go do something stupid or just watch sports and relax?” A guy can want to “perfect” his craft, but that’s different than being a perfectionist. Being perfect at something is different than being a perfectionist because the latter needs perfection in every aspect of life. Meanwhile, the former is striving to produce something as good as possible – it’s trying to be the best. This can be a competitive thing, a way to impress, or simply for the satisfaction of accomplishment, but it’s different than demanding perfection in everything that’s done.
From my experience, guys have an inner child who should regularly want to be allowed out to have fun (or something’s off). We should want to be playful once in awhile and not take things too seriously. Guys typically joke to heal and bond while women typically share feelings that might include laughter or tears. Neither one is better than the other – just different. This difference means we need to be careful how we interact with each other. We need to read our audience and be a little less or more jokey depending who we’re talking to. Communication is made easier when we try to understand our differences. Guys prefer to keep the mood light and the emotions kept low. More than anything, we don’t want to feel like we’re being criticized or under constant watch (we can be very sensitive to this depending on our past). We want to be allowed to be a grownup, a grownup as we define it, and not likely the way our wives do as many women complain that their husband is more like a child. Meanwhile, that’s what a guy thinks is a grownup – someone who does his basic responsibilities, but still makes time to have fun because life shouldn’t be taken that seriously and drama isn’t worth the energy. In my practically perfect days, I was like a typical wife. I even used to complain my girlfriend at the time made me more like a parent than a partner. It’s no wonder my ex left me for a woman; it was an easy transition: (my ex to new female partner) “You’re just like my ex… minus a few physical things I prefer.” Fortunately, age and life have helped me allow my inner child out more and let the standard of being practically perfect lighten up. As I’ve come to learn, love doesn’t require a pickle up our butts (metaphorically); it’s patient, kind, etc. An emotionally healthy person is responsible enough and does their job well enough while also being able to laugh and enjoy life without fear of judgement. And the best person knows how to break out into random song and dance and magically makes everyone around them look choreographed.
This week may we be a little Mary and a little Bert… and randomly break out into song.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)