Some people follow the motto ‘Life’s short, play hard’, but I grew up in a home that was more like ‘Life’s short, get as much done as you can while looking perfect because God and people are watching you’. It’s not a simple saying just like it’s not a simple lifestyle. Fortunately, I eventually realized that there is more to life than work… although I am writing this at a cottage while others are relaxing. When I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 21 (I was too busy to seriously date before that… that and I was… me) she let me be a workaholic, and in some ways encouraged it because there was some excitement to the things we were doing like running a comedy festival and volunteering in a youth group. Next came my wife who wouldn’t put up with it. I was no longer allowed to do email while sitting together and never relax with her, which was really hard to do because I felt guilty for being “lazy” and not “seizing the moment”. As a recovering workaholic I should point out there’s a difference between being a workaholic and being task oriented because I’m still task oriented but less workaholic-y. In the book Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, the authors point out that on one end of a scale there are Task Driven people and on the other is Socially Driven People. As these titles suggest, Task Driven people will skip social time in order to finish tasks while Socially Driven people have a hard time finishing anything because opportunities arise to be social. Ultimately, we should strive for a balance of the two because both are important; life is more than work, but at the same time, accomplishments help lead to healthy self esteem. Fortunately, my more Social Driven wife has helped me incorporate healthier social habits into my Task Driven schedule, so Friday night is her family’s movie night (2-3 hours), Saturday night is visit friends night (3 hours), and Sunday I try to see my family for dinner (1-2 hours). Notice I have time set aside for these activities. Being Task Driven I consider them tasks, which helps me rationalize spending the time socializing and avoid guilt for being “lazy”. Being Task Driven doesn’t make you a workaholic; it just means you feel more comfortable getting things done. For instance, I have a friend who works full time, is in two bands and performs almost every weekend, and she has a weekly video blog. She’s Task Driven and not a workaholic because she loves doing them. Doing these tasks helps her feel alive and enjoy life. Workoholism, on the other hand, is more about earning love, and is spurred on by a voice in your head that says you’re not good enough, which typically leads to depression, anxiety, and/or burn out.
Here’s a list of signs to help determine whether you’re a workaholic or not:
- You have a constant to-do list that prevents you from relaxing
- In order to relax you need alcohol or drugs
- Any little setback makes you furious because it’s preventing you from getting things done
- Being spontaneous freaks you out
- You abhor laziness
- You can’t go anywhere without bringing something to work on
- So-called vacations are really busy and jammed full of activities
- You have a hard time seeing friends unless it’s to do a job
- Family and friends complain you work too much
- You feel guilty for taking a break
- You have a hard time sleeping and/or getting regular sleep
- You don’t want to get up in the morning because there’s so much to do or you don’t sleep because there’s so much to do
- You skip meals or buy fast food unless someone prepares the food for you
- You wear ‘being tired’ like a badge of honour
- You get jealous when others appear to do more than you
- Working is a distraction from something that needs to be fixed whether a relationship or personal problem
- Listening to people talk is annoying because it’s preventing you from doing what you want
- You constantly feel the need to prove yourself
- Reading a book is torture because you feel lazy
- You can’t do simple things without trying to multitask whether driving, eating, going to the bathroom, etc.
- You feel like people will only like you if you do things for them or impress them enough
- You spend more energy and money on gifts for others than you get in return
- You have a hard time being intimate with your partner because you can’t turn off your brain
- You have a problem with trying to control people
- You have times of doing absolutely nothing or going overboard on “partying” because you’ve snapped under the pressure
- You’re constantly worrying about what others will think
If you suffer from workoholism, here’s the simple cure: You need to see your value as a person without your need for earning love, and begin treating yourself the way you treat others because the odds are you’re a lot nicer to others than yourself… definitely easier said than done, but if you keep trying to be nicer to yourself you will get better at it.
This week may you find a healthy balance of doing tasks and socializing.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, Learning to love dumb people