Bring your own jacket

It has long been held that a gentleman gives his jacket to his date when she’s cold, but this is not being a gentleman; not at all.  This (pause for dramatic effect) is being an enabler; he is enabling the girl to be a moron, which I say in the nicest way possible… so I guess I should throw in a  and a lol.  Not to be rude – I’ve already done that – but why wouldn’t she bring a jacket?  In this day and age there is no reason not to be dressed for the weather: listen to the radio, watch the weather channel, google it, text an informed friend, use your logic: “Hey, I’ve been outside at night before; I know it gets cool, so I should bring a coat to be prepared.”   It shouldn’t be: “Hey, I’ve been outside at night before… ooh shoes.”  It doesn’t make sense to me why a guy should be giving his jacket to a girl; aren’t girls the responsible gender?  Aren’t girls supposed to be more mature than guys?  Is she throwing caution to the wind because she has a man?  Why would you rely on the less responsible and mature gender to be prepared for the weather?  That’s not good planning.  The only reason the guy will have a jacket is because his mother told him to bring one… a guy’s not smart enough to prepare for the weather on his own.  A guy needs a woman who can replace his mom as his voice of intelligence because guys, we’re not… you know… uh something… what was I talking about?  Intelli… intelligent… ness.

I’ve been told that girls will purposely dress to be cold in order to have an excuse to be close and cuddle.  But you don’t need an excuse.  A guy will be happy to cuddle; like cats in a cold room, he’ll curl up with you.  A guy is happy to cuddle… he’ll be hoping for more, but he’ll be happy to cuddle… at least until his advances are shut down: “Um, excuse me, but I think you owe me for cuddling you… no?  It was worth a try.”

I’ve also been told that girls will purposely dress to be cold because it’s a test to see if the guy is thoughtful or not.  A test? How is that fair?  You can’t have a test without there being some teaching first.  Guys need to be trained.  If we’re out with a buddy who is cold, we don’t offer him our jacket: “Hey man, you chilly?  Did you want my jacket?” No.  We make fun of him: “Sucker, your mom forgot to tell you to bring a jacket; I guess she doesn’t love you very much.”  Guys have to be trained to have a whole other set of protocols for girls: “You mean I can’t just make fun of her like I would a guy?  Whoa… weird.”  Furthermore, how can a guy fail a test he isn’t even aware he’s taking based on criteria he doesn’t even know about.  If he does know, his mom has prepped him (or he’s failed this test with someone else).  Therefore, this isn’t really testing the guy; it’s testing how well his mom has trained him.  More importantly, why does this test involve the guy suffering?  To pass the test, he has to be cold.  How is that fair?  More importantly, why is dating like school?  Tests? (Shaking my head in disbelief)  Personally, if a girl doesn’t come dressed for the weather, I’m questioning her as a date; she fails my test – yes, I know I am like a girl for having a test, and I’m also a hypocrite for complaining that girls have one when I do as well.  But this is a good test for a guy to do because why didn’t she bring a jacket?  Is she incapable of making good decisions?  That is not an attractive feature… although, that explains how I got the date in the first place.  I’m ultimately looking for someone to be the mother of my children.  If you don’t know enough to bring a jacket for yourself, how can I trust that you’ll know how to take care of our children one day? – Good point Chad – thanks Chad; you’re a lot nicer than you sound right now.  I have a hard enough time taking care of myself; don’t trust me to take care of you as well. Taking care of my kids one day will be different; as a parent, I know I would need to take care of them, and I expect them to be dumb – my parents still expect me to be dumb… and I live up to that expectation – but I won’t marry a kid for this reason… that and many other even better reasons.  I want to marry a partner, not a dependent.

What I’m trying to say here is… it’s a good thing I know how to keep my mouth shut.  I may be thinking this, but to say it on a date would be stupid; that’d be the end of my relationship… and yes, I do have a girlfriend… and yes, she gets asked all the time why she’s with me… and no, I don’t know why she’s with me either. This idea is actually the moral of today’s lesson; it’s biblical and it’s beautiful: sometimes it’s better to shut up and give the girl the freak’n jacket and suck it up.  That’s not a direct quote from the Bible, but this is: “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” (Pro 21:23 NLT), and “The mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.” (Pro15:2b)  Fortunately, as dumb a thought as I might have, I can be smart enough not to say anything.  Some things are best not said… and written later to help prove I do actually have a filter… sometimes.  It needs fine tuning, but that’s what my girlfriend is working on.  We need each other; I need her to help me be more filtered, and she needs me to have something to fix… and yes, she still has a lot of work to do… a whole lot.