Both my wife and I come from families who are prone to be nice-oholics, but they look very different. My wife’s side is very ADD based while mine is very Mary Poppins. What does that mean? Two very different experiences. For instance, my family is very good at looking at a clock, reading a clock, … [Read more...]
Why Doesn’t my Husband Compliment Me?
A client once told me that her husband never complimented her, and my first thought was, “I’m sorry, are you trying to impersonate my wife?” I didn’t go with that response, but it’s not wrong... for a husband. Now, I’m not saying “every” husband, but every normal husband. If a man’s been married … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 17: A Way to Be Nicer
This lesson is going to give a simple yet effective tool for being nicer. But first I want to share a quick story where this week I got called out on how I can be a nice-oholic – who could’ve guessed I’m not perfect? (You don’t have to answer that). This past Sunday, my church had a guest speaker … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 9: Weak Parents
In the last lesson I looked at how we need to be careful not to enable bad behavior. Some of the worst culprits of this are parents. To begin, I should make a distinction between enabling and spoiling. A friend of mine said that when she lived at home as an adult, her dad would make sure her car … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 7: Being Nicer to Yourself By…
What if the thing you hate the most about yourself is actually an important part of who you are? Okay, let’s back up a bit with another question: What are the three things that make you who you are? No, this isn’t some lame Christian thing: (dorky answer) “The Father, Son... and what’s the third … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 6: Being Nice can be Confusing
Being nice isn’t always clear cut. It can actually be confusing, and if you start thinking about whether something is nice or not, it’s easy to over think the variables (thereby not being nice to yourself). But let’s consider some options to demonstrate what I mean. The other week I was writing a … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 5: Nice is Worth It
Maybe you’re like me, but I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger, especially back when I was starting as a youth pastor almost 20 years ago. (I just choked hard after realizing how long it’s been.) As a therapist I’m supposed to be a professional at dealing with conflict, but back then I … [Read more...]
Nice-oholic Pt 3: 7 tips to be properly nice
So far we’ve looked at how we can be overly nice and how that causes us by default to be mean to someone else, which is normally ourselves and sometimes someone else like a spouse. We also considered how being overly nice can cause collateral damage to others as the nice-oholic is indirectly mean … [Read more...]
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