As a therapist, I love emotional affairs like a body shop loves car accidents; it keeps me in business. It’s a sucky way to exist, but I’m happy to give tips to prevent emotional affairs because I know no matter how many people I help not have one, there are plenty of other people who will do it … [Read more...]
Emotional Affairs… there’s a fun topic
The truth is it’s incredibly rare to find a grownup who has NOT had or tried to have some type of emotional affair at some point in their lives unless they’re a basement troll. For instance, as a teen many of us had a “friend” of the opposite sex who was dating someone else that we tried to get … [Read more...]
How to Reconcile in 7 Steps
The other week I was at a church and the speaker preached on reconciliation, but never actually addressed what it is. It was like a politician answering a question: (politician) “I’d like to talk to you about the budget... so let’s talk about zoo animals.” Unfortunately for the speaker, he had a … [Read more...]
What Happened to our Relationship?
A married couple recently said to me: We used to be so happy together; what happened to us? They’ve been together over twenty years and realized their relationship isn’t what it used to be. Can you believe that? Hopefully... because pretty much every relationship ends up asking this question at … [Read more...]
How to Deal with Criticism/Advice Better
You need to embrace criticism... is good advice that makes you want to slap the person giving it (receiver) “Yeah, I know; I’m not stupid. Which cheek do you want me to slap?” It’s amazing how advice feels like criticism, and criticism feels like a putdown; it’s as if you’re too dumb to have … [Read more...]
Tips to be a Great Listener
I was once told people on the autism spectrum (e.g. Asperger syndrome) were bad listeners because they struggle to recognize social cues and read facial expressions, but I have found that they can actually be superior at listening based on the mistakes I described last week. For instance, I … [Read more...]
I Bet Your Partner Isn’t as Good at Listening as He Thinks
While working with couples in my marriage therapy practice I’ve recently heard a number of guys claim they are very good listeners, which makes the wives burst out in laughter. It’s really great these husbands can make their partners laugh, but unfortunately, that wasn’t their goal, which means, … [Read more...]
Rejection is a Gift
Rejection is a gift. Of course, I don’t mean you should break up with someone and say “I have a gift for you; it’s really good, and you truly earned it.” Sure, rejection can be demoralizing and cause us to feel like a giant failure making us want to give up on life because what’s the point when … [Read more...]
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