This week someone made some very harsh accusations against me via Facebook – I hate Facebook. I had known things were not so good between us for several months and since we were parting ways I wanted to send a note that gave a blessing for the future and an apology for whatever I did (I’m still not sure why exactly she’s angry at me). That note was what prompted her harsh message to me. She responded to my apology and blessing with an attack. She wrote, “You’re a jerk and you’re mean.” (para) Regardless of whether this is true (I’d like to disagree), she was saying that I was a jerk and mean in a jerkish and mean way. Um, you’re being what you’re mad at. Does that not seem odd? If you attack me, you’re no longer the innocent victim. You become a jerk and mean too, which results in you becoming what you’re angry at me for… that’s STUPID. If I had to define stupid, becoming what you hate would be in it. I’m not saying this out of anger, but out of logic. You’re being what you hate! That is stupid. I, the one being accused of being a jerk and mean person, sent an apology and blessing. If you’re a good person, you respond to that in a similar way, an apology and blessing. If you’re a good person, you don’t respond like a jerk or mean person. For instance, I, the one accused of being mean, responded to her attack with, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but bless you.” Does that sound like the words of a mean person? Bless you? No. I showed good character in that moment. What I wanted to say was: “You ‘re a botch!” – there might be a spelling mistake there. Even though this statement was a fact, she was being a butch – another spelling mistake – I didn’t want to appear mean. Thus, I bit my tongue because otherwise I too would become what I hated. I didn’t want to be stupid… at least in that way. Last week’s post pointed out that I have a stupid side, but it looks different. Ultimately, if you become a jerk too, how are you any better? The problem is we want to have that TV moment; the last word that shuts the person down; we want the knockout punch line where our so-called opponent is K.O.ed into silence. In real life, however, these lines only cause the other person to go away hating us. We may win the cleverest line award, but we’ve just made an enemy.
The worst part of this is, this isn’t an isolated case. I keep meeting people who are frequently being those they hate. They’re being stupid. For instance, at my former church, people would often complain that others wouldn’t say hi to them, but these were the same people who refused to say hi to anyone else. That’s being stupid. Years ago I worked with a number of young ladies who used to make fun of other girls who had an oops baby, but these same girls eventually had their own oops baby. That’s being stupid. I used to make fun of people who were the coolest people in the world, and now here I am the coolest person in the world. That’s being… delusional.
What this comes down to is that JUDGING OTHERS IS STUPID. When we judge others for making a poor choice we are likely setting ourselves up to be stupid because one day we will likely make a similar poor choice. This suggests that we need to start being more accepting of others in their good and their bad decisions. We need to be encouraging others instead of looking down on them. We need to be supportive in healthy ways instead of standing on our soapboxes spewing unnecessary and hurtful comments. We need to learn to bite our tongue and curb our negative thoughts because in the long run we may end up in the same position as the person we’re putting down. If we want to be people of good character, we need to start being more accepting of others. We need to be more like Mr. Bates in Downton Abbey – yes, I’ve finally started watching this show and love it like all the women do… I really am part woman. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch the show.
This week may you have the wisdom to become aware of any time you are being stupid, and may you have the ability to change it.
Rev Chad David. EmotionaSex.ca, ChadDavid.ca