The other day my mother came running in very upset from gardening. She is the most gentle and kind woman in the world (no exaggeration), so if something has upset her I become super brave and will do anything to defend her… and then I found out she saw a giant snake… bravery gone. Crazed lunatic? I got it. Armed mugger? I can handle it. A Jehovah’s Witness? Tricky, but I’ll deal with it. But a giant snake? Good thing I have acting experience: (me) “Yeah, I can handle this. (Under my breath) Ah crap.” Now, I have been to various reptile shows at festivals and several reptile zoos where I’ve held snakes, but those situations are safe for 5 year olds. I think I can muster enough courage to handle something a 5 year old can do. In those situations there’s supervision; not here. In those situations there’s a trained worker who knows the snake and the snake’s comfortable with people. A snake in the wild? Um, not predictable; although it’s safe to predict it won’t be used to humans touching it. In this situation there’s no lawsuit I can pursue. I might just die. Yes, I know where I live doesn’t have native poisonous snakes, but what if it’s that one poisonous snake that’s escaped an abusive owner and now the snake wants to enact its revenge on all males that look like that terrible person. What if it’s like the snake from the Garden of Eden story and it can talk to me? That’d be just as freaky if not worse… although maybe that would mean I was like Harry Potter and speak parseltongue, which is pretty cool. What if it’s the kind of snake that jumps in the air and knows karate like in Kung-Fu Panda? Cartoons are based on reality… sometimes… okay, not in this situation, but I’m not a snake expert so I’m not sure what I’m dealing with here. Fortunately, I was able to pretend I was brave for my mom, and I went out to where she saw him and he was casually slithering around. This thing was huge. It was like 20 feet long… or 4 feet long depending on the angle you’re looking at him. It was a solid snake with a midsection that was bigger than a twelve year old’s arms… a twelve year old who isn’t half hippo.
I’m a big animal lover and refuse to kill things, so I had the great idea of catching the snake and releasing him in the field behind my house. At first I had this heroic vision of grabbing him by the tail and then doing a video like Steve Irwin. As I looked at my potentially lethal specimen I opted for a garbage can and the longest shovel I could find. Laying the garbage can down I had hoped the snake would just slither in on his own… nope. I then tried flicking him into the can, which was terrifying. What if the snake had whiplash reflexes and he lashed out at me? Fortunately, he didn’t attack me; he just went the other way at a faster pace. By the third try I was able to flick him into the bucket that I picked up and held as far away from me as possible. I then did a sprint up the field screaming: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! As I ran out of breath I realized the snake hadn’t bounced out of the garbage can to karate kick me in the face, so I mustered up some courage and looked in. At the bottom of the can the snake was curled up looking terrified. I know snakes don’t have human facial expression, but there was a definite fear about him. I’m guessing my screaming didn’t help, but it was suddenly replaced with gentle words: “Don’t worry; I won’t hurt you. It’s okay, I only eat big animals like cows and pigs.” After a good run I ended up tossing him into some long grass far away from the house where I figured he’d find some food and jogged back.
This experience pointed out to me that many times what scares us is really just something we don’t understand. Sure, some snakes are dangerous and should be avoided, but sometimes things are only scary in our head; sometimes what scares us is really something that is also scared of us. If we simply tried to understand the other’s perspective we could avoid things like racism, prejudice, and the like. The funny thing is according to http://diet.yukozimo.com/what-do-garter-snakes-eat/ garter snakes make great pets. I guess my fear really was unwarranted.
This week may you find the bravery you need to seek understanding that reduces your fear.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, Learning to love dumb people