Forgive and Protect

My cat has a cold, or at least the feline equivalent of a cold.  He has a stuffed up nose and sneezes.   He doesn’t have a sexier meow (a sexier voice is the one bonus of having a cold… the gravelly, want-to-be Barry White voice not the stuffed up, nasally voice like someone shoved their fingers up your nose).  He also doesn’t have the deep cough that brings up the phlegm chunks, which everyone enjoys.  You may be reading this and assuming I’m being sarcastic, but when you cough up that yellowy-green hunk of goop that looks like flubber and almost thick enough to mold it into cute little animal shapes, we all secretly feel proud: “That is so gross… but it’s also pretty cool.”

A few years ago my cat had a similar cold and he was sitting on my lap enjoying the magic my hands provide when he suddenly sat up and stared at me with this uh oh face.  I was confused because I had never seen this before.  I soon learned that this face is the precursor to him sneezing on me.  So yes, he then sneezed on me, but this was no ordinary sneeze.  I’ve seen cats sneeze before and it’s a wild spray like an exploding grenade of mucus.  I would have preferred that.  Instead, after he sneezed a two and a half inch, bright green booger lay strewn upon my shirt.  Now if I had of sneezed and brought up this gummy worm like glob, I’d be like “That is so gross… but it’s also pretty cool,” because it would be my gummy worm like glob.  This, however, was not my gummy worm like glob.  This was the cat’s.  Gross things can only be cool when they’re yours; it’s disturbing when they’re not.  It’s like when someone doesn’t flush; that’s gross.  Mine… kind of cool.  In this situation, I was grossed out… although part of me was amazed how something so big could come out of such a tiny nose.  How was it possible?  Was the booger part of his brain?  Did it expand in the air?  Does his head?  Of course, my cat being the one who provided the monstrous booger log stared at it with pride.  I’m pretty sure he was thinking: “That’s so gross… but it’s also kind of cool.”  The worst thing is he didn’t apologize.  Can you believe that?  I think deep down he was laughing at me… I would’ve been if I were him.  Instead, he rubbed against my hands as if to say: “Okay, I’m fine now; back to work slave boy.”  Fortunately, I was able to throw my shirt in the wash and it was all taken care of.  The next day it came back clean and smelling like a field of daisies… thanks magic hamper.

Fast forward a year, my cat had another cold.  Once again he was sitting on my lap enjoying my tender, yet firm rubbing when he suddenly sat up and stared at me with his uh oh face.  This time I wasn’t confused… but I panicked.  Instead of moving, which would be logical, I spoke.  Saying “Oh no,” is not a helpful move.  Neither was my choice to put my hands in front of my shirt.  Apparently my natural reaction was to want to touch the about to be launched snot rocket.  Fortunately, my hands never felt the liquidy goop.  My hands were lucky… my face, however, was not.  My face was the new landing pad.  This is now one of the top five grossest things I’ve ever experienced.  This is right after being hit with someone else’s popped pimple puss, which is another example of something that is cool when I do it.  Me having a shooting pimple is gross, but cool; someone else… that’s just gross.  And if it hits me, that’s one of the nastiest things ever.  After my cat used my face as his personal Kleenex, I can’t remember a time that I scrubbed my face so hard.  I did learn, however, that sandpaper is going too far.  That really leaves a mark.

Fast forward again to the other night; my cat once again has a cold, and once again he was sitting on my lap enjoying my manly, yet moisturized hands when he suddenly sat up and stared at me with his uh oh face.  This time I wasn’t confused.  I also didn’t panic.  This time instead of guarding my shirt that can be easily washed, I blocked my face.  I had learned my lesson.  If my cat sneezes on my shirt, clean up is easy.  I take it off and put it in the wash.  If it lands on the couch or anything around me, it’ll need to be cleaned up… and my mom is busy enough.  Aren’t I thoughtful?  Of course this time, now that I was ready with a well thought out game plan, my cat had a couple rapid fire little sneezes that didn’t result in a new species being created.  The positive thing that came out of this is I have clearly learned my lesson, which is what I’m sharing with you now.  No, I’m not saying that knowing how to respond to a cat sneezing is what I want to teach, although that’s a handy thing to know.  This week I want you to remember that we need to Forgive and Protect.  Some people say forgive and forget, but that’s stupid.  If I forgived and forgetted (there’s a little grammar treasure for my grammar watchers) I’d never learn what happens when my cat sits up and stares at me.  And yes, I forgave my cat for sneezing on me, which may sound weird because it’s not like he has the ability to hold a tissue or even the mental capacity to know why you’d do this, but I could have chosen to resent or avoid him.  Instead, I decided to forgive him, and continue our relationship, which involves me being his massage therapist.  When it comes to forgiving, we need to let go of the pain, but we also need to remember the lessons we learned out of the situation in order to prevent us from being in a similar position again.  So the next time someone says forgive and forget clap your hands and then punch them.  After they say ow tell them to forgive and forget.  When they do, clap your hands, and punch them again.  This time ask: “Is forgetting such a wise thing?”  The concept of forgive and forget is a dangerous thing to do.  We need to forgive and protect.  The question I will leave with you is what does it mean to “protect” and what does it mean to be “closed off”?  Please forgive me for giving you homework… just don’t forget.  See what I did there? Yeah, I’m impressive.