Hotel Beds: the Cuddle Maker

Why are hotel beds like a shallow canoe? I’m yet to sleep in a pay-for-the-night bed without it being more like a hammock than a mattress.  Why is that?  Do hotels get to order from a special category of beds in the shape of a banana: “Hi, I’d like to order from the squishy fruit addition?” Even a new hotel has these beds with the saggy middle like the beds need to cut down on the TV and do a few sit ups. Perhaps the beds are all tested by elephants: “Yeah that’s sturdy enough for a human.”  Perhaps they’re used as a trampoline by the Kool-Aid Man: “Oh yeah, that’s good.”  Or, perhaps bed bugs are setting up a trap for people, so they have less travel to get to their meal – that’s a comforting thought.  It’s frustrating because no matter where you lie down, you end up in the dip.  If you have to share a bed with someone you better like the person because you’re going to be spooning when you wake up – hopefully that’s all that you’re doing when you wake up.  You definitely will want to choose your sleeping buddy wisely.  One of the primary concerns is the person wears pajamas, and he is not the guy who wears the see-through boxers that are missing the front button, which allows everything to spill out like a volcano.  Since most people in hotel beds are couples, perhaps this is a conspiracy to make couples have to cuddle… ew.  It’s like someone is trying to ruin a good holiday with sweat sharing, cold feet rubbing, and choking on hair… can you tell I’m not a cuddler?  I think this aversion to night time grinding goes back to family road trips where I had to share the bed with a sibling – the one time I wished I was an only child.  Sister or brother it doesn’t matter, you’re going to want an extra shower in the morning (Although I will say pouring some water in the bed can be a fun way to wake up your sleeping partner: “Is that sweat? Please say it’s just sweat”).  The worst part is there is no way out of ending up in the center of the bed.  Even if you sleep diagonally, not only are you uncomfortable, you still somehow end up in the dip.  It’s like gambling; the house will always end up winning.

This experience reminds me that in life we can get into ruts, which are almost impossible to escape.  No matter how hard we try to get out and stay out, eventually we’re going to slip back into it.  No matter what the negative behaviour is (eg. negative thinking, yelling, gossip, gluttony, etc.) we end up being drawn back.  Ultimately, we need something new to fill in the valley of our depravity in order to find and maintain a new life.  This of course means we need to make sure we choose a wise filler or we can end up in an even worst spot than before.  This, of course, is part of the benefit of religion; it can be a great rut filler.  Unfortunately, religion can be dangerous because I’ve found a lot of new Christians obsess over the rules, and miss the main message: love (older Christians can easily fall into this trap as well).  Thus, we need to strive to replace our negative behaviour with something true and healthy, love; love is the best rut filler… unless we’re actually filling in the rut of the bed because then a thick blanket would be better.