I love shirts. Shirts are one of the best things ever created. Why do I love them so much? Have you ever sat down without a shirt on? Not a good scene. The other day I was getting ready for my shower and had to go to the washroom (that’s a good example of over-sharing personal information). While I was sitting without a shirt on I looked down. This led to the response: “Where did that come from?” My normally flat stomach was suddenly turned into a frowny face of flab (this whole topic is an example of over-sharing… sorry). It was horrible because that wasn’t there when I was standing. It’s like my body was upset it was sitting, so it was trying to hurt me. It was so weird. I couldn’t help but stand and sit over and over because I couldn’t believe the switch. It was like a bad game of peek-a-boo: (stand) normal, (sit) sad (stand) normal, (sit) sad (stand) normal, (sit) scream at my stomach: “Stop frowning.” I know that when we sit things compress so it will make us look flabbier, but to see it was… not pleasant: “Why do cookies taste so good… and hang around after?” I used to want a six pack, but I gave up this idea when I was told I’d have to cut out white bread and cookies. Nope, my taste buds are stronger than my vanity. Of course if I wasn’t able to wear a shirt – one of the greatest inventions ever – I’d likely change this attitude. If loincloths were all the rage my mindset would definitely be different, but if loincloths were the rage I’d consider moving to a new country cuz ew loincloths; it’s like a curtain with a show behind it no one wants to see. One bad move or breeze and that show is on display. Fortunately, I’m not so insecure that I wear a shirt in the shower, but one day when I acquire marriage weight I may change my mind… marriage weight is like the freshman 15 except it’s not normally just 15 pounds; it’s the large gut many men acquire when they stop trying to impress women after marriage; I like to call it the ‘I love you and proof I’m not cheating stomach’, which is a better way of looking at it than the ‘ha, you’re stuck with me stomach’.
I used to wonder why Donald Duck wore a shirt and not pants, but now I know the truth. Ducks don’t wear clothes unless they’re insecure about their flabby tummy. Donald didn’t need pants – he’s a duck – but he wore a shirt to prevent looking down and seeing his gut spilling all over. Donald wore a shirt because he was smart: (Donald in his Donald voice) “Now no one can see my muffin top.” Sure the fat helps you float, but no one wants to look down and see what looks like a floatation device around your waist that’s made of your loose skin. Donald is like a fat kid in a pool. He gets teased for wearing a shirt, but at least he’s not being teased for being fat… the lesser of two evils.
I recently read a verse that said: “Clothe yourselves in tenderhearted mercy, kindness, patience, gentleness” (Col 3:12b ). As someone who is such a fan of shirts this verse intrigued me: clothe? That suggests covering over something that’s not pretty. Why would it say to clothe yourself and not be. Why doesn’t it just say be merciful, kind, patient and gentle? But then I realized that doesn’t work. You can’t tell someone to just be something. For instance, you can’t tell an alcoholic don’t be an alcoholic and expect it to happen. You can’t tell someone who has a short temper to just be patient and have him suddenly be patient: (person known for a short temper) “Be patient? Hey, I never thought of that; I should be patient. Thanks for giving me the answer I need.” You can’t make someone suddenly change. I can, however, change my clothes. I can cover over something that’s not pretty even a heart that’s unmerciful, impatient, unkind, and ungentle. This idea essentially follows the premise ‘fake it until you make it.’ Even if you’re not merciful, act that way and eventually your heart will follow your actions. Act like you’re gentle and eventually you’ll become more gentle a person.
A practical way of looking at this is to look specifically at clothes. I used to have zero fashion sense, but I had some outfits that my girlfriend and sister have either given me or helped me pick out and they make it appear that I have some semblance of fashion. Clothing myself is a great first step in helping grow past my area of weakness. I can’t magically be fashionable, but I can start to dress fashionably with help and effort. By doing this, not only will others start to see and treat me as someone with fashion, I’ll start to see myself as someone with fashion. As I see myself this way, then I’ll start to be more careful with what clothes I buy and wear because I will want to live up to this ideal thereby making me more fashion savvy. This is what happens when we clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, patience and gentleness. As we start to see ourselves this way, the more we’ll try to act this way, and the more we act this way, the more we become this way until it is a habit and part of who we are. Isn’t this exciting? We can grow to become better people.
It should be noted that this pattern, can also have the same effect in the negative direction; therefore, be careful not to clothe yourself in a short temper, negativity, criticism, meanness, cruelty, pride and laziness because we can become these as well.
This week may you clothe yourself with all that is good in order to start to see the positive change in your life.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up
I agree with some of what you said I agree that you can’t tell someone to be just something. Also about the passage from the bible I didn’t realize exactly when I read that passage what it meant by that but thanks for giving an explanation of what it meant. I also like it when you give us advice on what we can do this week I find that can help sometimes.