Warning: This post informs both people wanting to cheat and people who are suspicious of their partner’s fidelity.
Tip: Know why you’re cheating: If you’re going to cheat, you better have a good reason for doing it because it’s eventually going to destroy your world as you know it. Whether it’s the fear, guilt or shame that often follows it, or the reality of how you no longer get to see your kids as often, or even the pain it causes your partner, it can be really confusingly painful.
Another Tip: Expect to get caught: Everyone who cheats is eventually caught even if it’s after you die, which isn’t the way most people want to be remembered, so it’s still a lose situation.
- Practice lying: If you’re going to cheat, you’re going to need to get really good at lying and covering up the fact that you’re living a double life. Your partner isn’t stupid. He or she will notice changes that will make him or her start questioning you, so you’ll want to be ready.
- Constantly Plan Out a Back Story: In order to be a good liar, you’ll need a good back story prepared so you don’t screw up details. The worst thing to be is defensive when questioned because that’s a red flag. You’ll want to seem normal. Plus, remember that too much detail will be suspicious while too few details will make your partner ask more questions, which you don’t want.
- Practice Ignoring Guilt: One of the hardest challenges for people cheating is handling the guilt that tends to follow it. If you have any conscience, you’ll want to train it to take a vacation while you get your secret love affair going in order to keep your head clear for better lying.
- Be on Constant Guard: The moment you get lazy is the moment you’ll leave the clue that gives away the secret. Sure this means you’ll have constant anxiety, but that’s the downside to the excitement you get for being with this new person.
- Become a Tec Wiz: If you’re going to cheat, it helps to be able to clear your tracks on the computer and phone.
- Don’t Have a Written Record: Most of the couples I work with who get caught cheating have had a text message or email discovered. Typically, the partner of someone cheating will become suspicious and start watching for messages, and if you’re not vigilant in erasing all evidence you’ll eventually get caught.
- Be Smart When You Message: Because you are all ga-ga over the person you’re cheating with, it is after all very exciting, you’ll be tempted to say good morning and good night, but messaging at this time is a red flag for the partner because it’s not a normal time for someone to text.
- Cell Phones are Cheater Giveaways: If you’re too protective of your phone, your partner will know something is up. At the same time, if you’re not protective enough, your partner will read your phone while you’re in the shower or sleeping and see that something is up. Plus, how hard is it to contact a cell phone company and ask for the record of your partner’s phone when you’re both on the bill?
- Don’t Go Out Anywhere: If you go out somewhere, you might be recognized by someone who will be intrigued that you’re out with someone besides your wife/husband and start rumors. Plus, if you spend money, your partner will eventually notice the budget is different at home.
- Get Rid of Your Friends: Any friend who is a true friend will discourage you from cheating. In addition, this person is at risk of exposing your secret. Thus, you have no choice but to cut off your true friends. It’s better to do it now because the odds are when you get caught you’re going to lose the friends anyway since they’ll feel sorry for your partner turned ex.
I hope this list helps you in your desire to cheat… OR if you don’t want to end up guilt stricken, terrified about getting caught, or be given one of the worst labels you can be given, adulterer, try contacting a good therapist like me who can help you figure out how to improve your existing relationship. If your partner isn’t right for you, don’t cheat, leave. Cheating makes the divorce messier.
Rev Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people