The other week, my family had a surprise situation… but not in a good way. Is that an intriguing start to a story? It’s amazing how things can work together to end up… less than ideal, but how you look at it makes a big difference. It’s easy to make life look bad because there’s always a reason to complain and feel sorry for yourself, but wise people work to see life from a heart of thankfulness in order to help it feel better. Your cup might be half full, but that’s better than only a quarter full, and if it’s half full of water, that’s better than a full cup of boogers, especially since the latter makes you look super whacko (whereas coming up with that comparison makes you only a little whacko).
I try to block time off on Thursday to get things done on the house and /or spend time with the family depending on the week. This particular Thursday two weeks ago I needed to pick up some lumber at a store in Burlington, so trying to be a smart dad I made it a combo “get something done and be with family” since there’s a great park near the store. I’m like a hero… if “hero” had very little standards. With my oldest in school, I had my wife, four year old, and four month old in the man-mobile (aka a minivan). As we approached the highway, I noticed it was more of a parking lot – darn it. My wife and I quickly made a plan B and went to a nearby park that we love in the other direction by the water front. The normal street parking was full, which meant I was forced to park in a court with homes worth several million dollars – not a bad setting. Parking the car, my wife was drooling over the waterfront homes while I was like “I’m glad I don’t have to pay their property tax. Mine have almost doubled in eight years. I can’t imagine how much they pay.” You have to love modern day Hamilton: (leader) “I know how to fix the problem; jack up the taxes!” (other leaders) “But isn’t that what we’ve done every year for the last eight years?” (leader) “Yes, but this time we’ll raise them even more!” (other leaders) “Brilliant! We live in Burlington, so we’re fine.”
I was parked behind another car with plenty of space between us… a detail that probably seems unnecessary, but oh, just wait. My four year old was very excited because this park has a zip line, so as soon as she was unbuckled she was ready to run to the park. I jogged with her while my wife was left to get the baby in the stroller. While up the street I heard some angry males screaming, but I didn’t give it much thought because I had passed some construction workers at a house behind us. I assumed it was typical male ego going overboard as I carried onto the park with my excited daughter. Are you thinking, “Shouldn’t you go back to check on your wife?” Um, she’s with our baby. If anything were to happen, her mama bear causes her to turn green and grow three times her normal size with muscles that help her throw cars across football fields. She’s fine… and we’re safer not being witnesses.
While whipping my daughter on the zip line, my phone rang. It was my wife, which was annoying: (in my head) “Just walk to the park and you’ll see us; we’re not hard to find.” I’m such a gentleman. My wife started by saying she and the baby were fine, but she was obviously crying. It’s always a bad sign when your spouse starts saying they’re fine because they’ve either had something bad happen or they have no social skills: (wife) “Hello, I’m fine.”(husband) “Aren’t you supposed to ask how I am?” (wife) “That would suggest I care.” .
This time I stopped what I was doing and with my daughter went to find my wife. She was in one of the multi-million dollar homes with a couple in their seventies who were incredibly kind and apologetic. Their mid forty year old son was also there who seemed very rattled. It turned out the screaming was between that son and his 40ish year old brother who is schizophrenic and had been drinking a lot. Did I mention it was 11am? Not the normal time to be drinking. Let’s call him Lindsay Lohan; Lohan for short. For some reason Lohan had tried attacking his elderly, breakable looking mom. Why? He’s schizophrenic with a drinking problem. His engineer brother who was visiting his parents stepped in, which escalated things to the point where Lohan tried throwing his brother down the stairs, but couldn’t quite do it due to a lack of coordination – the benefit of his drinking. Lohan’s lack of coordination was a blessing to the brother because being an engineer I’m guessing his fighting abilities are pretty limited: (engineer) “Be careful giving me a swirly because you might hurt your back.” The arguing continued verbally as Lohan left the sound protection of the house where they continued screaming at each other on the front lawn for everyone to hear… you know what you expect on multi-million dollar home front yards. (My apologies to the construction workers I thought were the ones screaming.) After Lohan threw his empty tallboy can into the side garden, he angrily stammered to his car – not a great choice. Guess where his car was parked? Not in the driveway. Like a genius he put his car in reverse and slammed on the gas causing him to ram into my innocently parked man-mobile.
My car being collateral damage to this domestic fight sucked, but what made it worse was my wife was seconds from getting our baby out of the car when Lohan’s Civic rammed our van. My wife was actually in the process of reaching in the van to unbuckle the baby when the hit happened. On one hand, this was bad timing because the baby was in the car, but on the other, it was a gift because she was still strapped in and safe. Even though it was only a couple feet away, the impact cracked the van’s bumper and the Toyota logo popped off, so it was definitely a solid impact. On one hand it’s inconvenient to have to get our van fixed, but on the other, I don’t have to pay the deductible since it was his fault (obviously) and the van has been driveable as the insurance stuff is figured out.
After the hit, my wife turned part green as she screamed “My baby! My baby!” Her next instinct was to chase after the car that was now hitting the car in front of it as it pulled out of the parking spot. Lohan was in mid u-turn to get out of the court when my wife caught up to him and ripped the door open. At this point, I should point out I have no idea what her plan was, but Lohan should be grateful his brother was screaming for my wife to get away from him. He was dangerous, but he wasn’t an angry mom. The brother also told my wife to let Lohan go because he had the information she needed. For some reason, this stopped my wife from pursuing Lohan who closed the door and took off.
When I got to the house, the police were on their way and my wife was waiting with the family to give her report. The police took about 25 minutes to get there and after the statements were taken, they heard over the radio that Lohan ended up going to the police station to tell them how abusive his family was (that was an interesting perspective). Apparently no one told him that you shouldn’t drive yourself to a police station while drunk and with new damage to the front and rear of your car. But what do I know?
Lohan’s family were very kind and gentle people who were very embarrassed about the situation. They had actually been in the process of getting their son a different place to stay because he had been verbally and physically abusing them for some time. The parents asked the police officers if there was any way they could pay for their son to be taken to rehab to stop his drinking and pot smoking because it was messing with his actual medication. The one officer told them that they could press charges, but that would only put their son in a prison cell for a few hours. Beyond that they could tell Lohan he wasn’t allowed to go to their house or he’d be arrested. The officer added he could only take Lohan to a hospital for help if he was suicidal or a threat to others. Apparently his attacking his family, ramming our car, and driving drunk didn’t count. How broken is our system that his so-called rights are more important than other people’s safety? Of course, if I was Lohan’s dad I would’ve lied and said, “Oh, I forgot to tell you that he was threatening to kill himself while driving away.” Sometimes lying is the most loving thing we can do for someone in need of help.
The dumbest thing in this whole situation is when my wife called our insurance company. She told the agent the car was parked and she was about to get the baby when it was hit. The agent then asked: “Who was driving your vehicle?” My wife repeated, the car was parked and she was outside about to get the baby out. The agent again repeated, “Yes, but who was driving the vehicle?” This was asked four times before my wife gave up and said, “I guess I was even though I wasn’t in the van!” Genius.
This was a terrible situation, but overall my wife handled it at a 10 out of 10. She allowed herself to cry to get out her emotions and she was very kind to the family where others could’ve transferred their anger from the attacker to his guardians. She also didn’t catastrophize the event or get stuck on what could’ve happened except to consider how lucky we were. We were also grateful Lohan’s family was so apologetic and caring. Ultimately, we all had a reason to feel sorry for ourselves, but it’s amazing how focusing on the positive makes the situation better. For instance, I could’ve got upset that traffic put us in that situation or the family didn’t previously handle their son’s issues better, but instead my brain was focused on how lucky we were that the car was still drivable and that my four year old was already a safe distance away from the event because she could’ve easily been hit by a driver who wasn’t paying attention since she’s so small and she’s not the best to get out of the way of oncoming objects like balls (something I’ve seen proven many times).
The bottom line is the best way to get through life isn’t to focus on what could’ve been unless it’s to help us see why we should be grateful because thankfulness is the most important thing we can practice in order to help our life be better.
This week may you consider how lucky you are even when bad things happen.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)