My grandpa was the kind of alcoholic who would never drink and drive – he had morals. Instead, he made one of his three sons be his chauffeur, which included them waiting for hours outside the bar while he drank – they were very selective morals. He had my dad driving him to the bar when he was 12. Sure, my dad grew up in farm country, but that’s still a hard sell to the police: “But offisher, I’m too drive to drunk.” Whatever my argument is I’m guessing I won’t be able to get my kids started as Uber drivers when they’re in grade seven. What’s crazier is the people in the bar must have known he was doing this and their response was “Another beer?” Ah, the good old days.
I should point out that when my grandmother married him, he was a devoted Christian, but after marriage and having three boys, something changed. He died long before I was born, so I’ve never given him a lot of thought including why he drank until the other week when I was doing my devotions before bed and I suddenly had a strange moment: “I get why my grandpa drank.” Does that sound bad? My dad never touched alcohol because he was like my grandpa and I’m like my dad, which means I’m also like my grandpa. I followed my dad’s example and I’ve never had a drink (it helps I’m really cheap… and possibly an alien), but my grandpa’s drinking makes sense now. It’s a good thing I followed my dad’s example because I could easily fall into the same trap of “I’m done work… time to turn off my brain.”
I recently learned that my great grandpa (my grandpa’s dad) was a farmer and was supposed to leave a house and property to each of his three kids, but my grandpa’s sister, who was taking care of their dad before he died, convinced him to change the will leaving her with two houses and double the property while my grandpa got nothing – ouch. That’s a serious dirt bag move no matter how you try to spin it. My grandpa’s brother felt sorry for him and let him rent a small house on the property my grandpa’s brother inherited (he didn’t feel sorry enough to share). Eventually, however, he asked my grandpa and his family with three young boys to leave the house because the brother wanted his own son to live there – what a wonderful family. That’s when my grandpa and grandma bought a farm for $25k. That’s right. An entire farm for $25k. Inflation is terrifying. Having your own sister betray and steal from you the way my grandpa did, which also meant having your own father betray you is pretty intense, but is that why he drank? Maybe the trauma was part of it in some way, but if he’s like me, it wouldn’t matter what was in his past. He was likely drinking because of the question: What’s the point?
Here’s the reality I’ve come to see based on my over 40 years of life experience and obsessing over Ecclesiastes, the wisdom book of the Bible by King Solomon. The goal in life should be to find the balance of seeing it between the two extremes, Life is Meaningless and Life is a Precious Gift. Here they are on a scale:
Life is Meaningless (-10)——A Balance of Both (0)——Life is a Precious Gift (+10)
The truth is life is both totally meaningless (you live, you die, and you’re forgotten) and a precious gift (we’re created to feel joy). God wants us to enjoy the good things of life, and at the same time, we need to remember we came from dust and we return to dust; we are as meaningless as dust. Ever wonder why God would wipe people out like in the Noah’s Ark story? We’re dust. At the same time, we’re His beloved creation, so He promised to never do that again, and then He sent Jesus to fully prove His love and devotion to us.
We need to try to be in the center of this scale because going to either side can be dangerous. The idea of Life is Meaningless being dangerous is pretty obvious. It sucks your motivation and dries out your soul. Meanwhile, seeing Life is a Precious Gift can leave you overly stressed trying to live life to the fullest – whatever that’s supposed to mean – which can lead to crippling debt and bad choices like doing party drugs and trips you can’t afford. We need to try to be in the center of the scale in order to take it serious enough to be wise with our time while also being able to be at peace – relax, it’s all meaningless. Finding the balance is very difficult as we tend to naturally lean toward one side or the other. Guess what side my grandpa and I lean toward.
When I was young I was in a totally different mindset. I saw life as a competition, and I needed to set myself up to be a winner. I needed to be the best. This can be a very beneficial mentality for young people as they need to have the drive to set themselves up for a good life, but it can be dangerous if they go too far and push ourselves to a breaking point and/or hurt people in their pursuits.
When I was a youth pastor, I would say that my competition mindset transitioned more to seeing life is about being accepted: “I need people to like me, so they’ll come out to my group. I need to justify my paycheck. Plus, if they like me, maybe I can get them to like God.” This is equally dangerous because there will always be people who don’t like us and why do people need to like me in order to like God? God doesn’t need a middle man; I’m a bonus (sometimes).
I would say my competitive side was more of a male mentality. Biologically guys need to earn the privilege of being with the woman, and yes, it is a privilege. Meanwhile, I think young women are more likely to struggle with wanting acceptance and seeking perfection. Either way, we want to end up with seeing the truth: Life is meant to be a balance between meaningless and precious. This is where I am at now that I’m married with kids and a career because my brain is free to see the bigger picture – this is it. It can be very disillusioning: “I worked that hard for this?” I don’t have anything major to dream about anymore, which leaves my brain bored and in a spot where it can be drawn to seeing Life as Meaningless. The reality for me is I will forever have to fight this temptation, especially at night when my body is a little more tired and my brain is a little more restless. I need to remember what the Apostle Paul wrote: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Phi 4:8b) There is good in life… it’s just not always easy to see. Or I can be like my grandpa. Instead of finding peace in this new reality, he found torment he suppressed with booze.
Side Note: If I didn’t believe in God and heaven, it’d be impossible to see Life as Precious because life would simply be about surviving as long as you can because this is it – talk about sad. There’d be no reward or punishment for how we live. We struggle in life only to cease to exist – brutal.
I’m pretty good at doing most of the Ten Commandments. I’m not one to murder or have an affair – impressive, I know. Sure, I suck at keeping the Sabbath (number three) and I would give myself half points for the first two, which are about putting God first, but I’m still at like an eight out of ten – 80% not bad. The main sin I have in my life right now, however, isn’t even in the Ten Commandments – there are more than ten. The main sin I have to wrestle with right now is my negative brain; I struggle to understand how the Apostle Paul could write: “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!” I can get energy around people, but in my head it’s easy to be drawn to Life is Meaningless. Based on my grandpa, this is partly a genetic thing, which means I will always have this as my burden to bear. Overall, the best thing I can do is work on being thankful in order to actively push back on my negative brain. For instance, I should be thankful my dad role modeled the importance of not setting myself up for failure by making good choices. As far as not drinking, he showed me how to protect myself from myself. And late at night, when all else fails, I need to go to bed. Sometimes there’s no other way to stop the negative down slope – lights out and start fresh.
This week may you consider the balance of life being both precious and meaningless.
Rev. Chad David, chaddavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)