Tradition maintains that dogs are a man’s best friend. I’ve heard two main explanations for this, but both are wrong; there’s truth to them, but they’re wrong. The first claims this because dogs are a great wingman. There is no denying that if you want to pick up ladies take out a dog for a walk: (lady) “Look at the cute dog!” (guy) “Why hello Miss I’m about to ask out.” Dogs are a great wingman, but this isn’t why they’re our best friend because otherwise babies would also be given this title since they have the same effect: “Look at the cute baby!” “Hello Miss opened herself up to be hit on.” The second reason why dogs are assumed to be a man’s best friend follows the idea that men like how they clearly know when a dog is happy since dogs wag their tails (or in the case of Rottweilers, they shake their nubs). This is important to men because, as I discuss in Emotional Sex: Making Good Relationships Great, men crave making their woman happy. In a way, it’d be great if women could have a feature like a tail wagging because it would help us know when they’re happy. If this feature is why dogs are a man’s best friend, however, cats would also have to be on that list – and they’re clearly not – because they let people know when they’re happy as well; they purr. In fact, purring is arguably better than a tail wagging because purring doesn’t knock over expensive crystal vases… unless this is what you want: “I’m so sorry… good boy.” I love cats, but I would never claim any of them are my best friend because none of my friends stick their butt in my face and expect a massage… my girlfriend maybe. Thus, the main reason why dogs are a man’s best friend is because we can get them to chew our girlfriend’s favourite shoes as an act of revenge… just kidding… although I will say this is a nice option… I’ve never done this… thought about it… clearly… but I’ve never done it… yet.
Dog’s are a man’s best friend because we understand them. They’re simple. They’re not fussy. They’re not whiney. They’re… us. Two weeks ago I stated that women are like cats and men are like dogs (http://www.emotionalsex.ca/women-arent-complicated-yes-i-said-it-im-not-being-sarcastic-either/) where I spent most of the article explaining why women are like cats. Thus, this week I thought I would follow up with further explanation about men being like dogs.
Some of you may be thinking, “But Chad, dogs are pretty dumb.” Yes, thank you for my first point. Now, I’m not saying that mentally we are inferior to women, but something in us makes us do dumb stuff. No woman would think, “I wonder what would happen if I put this aerosol can that says keep away from fire into the bonfire;” nor would she think, “I wonder if I can do a flip off this building… either way it’ll be funny.” Youtube fails would be in trouble if guys were never allowed cameras. Thus, I accept men have a dumb side… but this is what helps make us funny to our friends and a fixer-upper opportunity (oddly an attractive quality to many women) to our partner. A woman’s goal is to train her partner to have less dumb moments… my girlfriend’s not doing so well at this.
Men are also like dogs because we crave hearing “good boy,” especially from our moms and partners, and we hate getting in trouble. I will, however, take this moment to point out that we’d rather be swatted with a rolled up newspaper than yelled at.
Men, like dogs, have an innate problem of bailing on their closest friend even in a time of need when there’s food being offered. We’re easily distracted. We don’t mean to be, but our stomachs are bigger than our brains… literally, especially with some men: “Is that a sack of potatoes in your stomach or are you just happy to see me?” Like dogs, we’ll stare and drool at someone else’s plate of food hoping the person, likely our date, won’t finish her meal so we can have it: (girl) “Stop begging at the table.” (guy) “Yeah, bad boy.” (girl) “I wasn’t talking to the dog.”
Men are also like dogs because we play fetch. We may not be as enthusiastic as dogs about it, but we still do it. Our fetch, however, tends to consist of doing errands and picking up things for our partners. It may be more elaborate, but it’s the same concept: we go and bring it back.
Men are like dogs because we all tend to be more easy going and able to roll with what happens. We tend to be able to put up with a lot because we’re generally more relaxed. If a cat isn’t happy or doesn’t like someone, it just walks away; dogs not so much. I’ve seen many a dog sitting with children pulling at his ears and ripping at his fur and he simply sits there enduring. Dogs are like, “I don’t like this… oh well.” This is often what happens in relationships. The guy isn’t happy, but he endures. It takes the woman to say we need to do something about this because they won’t put up with it as much. This of course re-establishes the idea that guys can be dumb: “You mean I can do something about this bad situation?”
Finally, to quote my girlfriend’s dog, Charlie, when he sees me: “Bark, bark, bark…” I believe the English translation is “Hi, hi, hi…” but I could be mistaken. He might actually be saying, “The cool and sexy man is here. My owner’s proof that she has great taste in men is here. I wish I was the canine equivalent of awesome as him, but no creature could come close to that.” I’m probably wrong… not about me being awesome, but that Charlie could be thinking in full sentences. Personally, I think I’m even being generous by saying my girlfriend’s dog is giving a formal greeting like hi; he’s not the smartest… dumb creature. The odds are “Bark, bark, bark…” is really just translated as: “Noise, noise, noise…” Charlie is not an intelligent dog, but dogs in general are not good verbal communicators. Besides wagging their tail dogs do most of their communicating in grunts, growls, yawns and sighs. Huhn, not good verbal communicators who use grunts, growls, yawns and sighs… that sounds like a man doesn’t it? I’m not saying men are illiterate, but the older a man gets the fewer words he tends to use: (older guy) “(growl) Words only get me in trouble (sigh) (grunt).”
This week may your new understanding of how men work bring some clarity and better solutions for dealing with us. We don’t mind guidance because ultimately we want to hear good boy.
Rev. Chad David, www.emotionalsex.ca