I’ve had a number of people say to me, “As a therapist, you must have a real heart for the homeless people living in the tent cities scattered around.” It’s nice they’d think I’d be compassionate… but I’m not. (Does that sound bad?) To correct them: my job is therapist, but I’m a recovering workaholic who was raised with the belief that we’re all meant to carry our own weight while offering a hand and accepting a hand when needed. I know it’s not a Bible verse, but it’s hard for me not to think the classic teaching: “God helps those who help themselves,” which means if you’re homeless, what are you doing to make your situation better? Yes, we’re meant to help those in need (I believe in donating to worthy charities like Mission Services), but when Jesus spoke about the poor it was very different back then compared to now in Canada where we have free education, healthcare, and programs to help people get back on their feet. Our world is sooooo different than in Jesus’ day, which was often cruel. In today’s times, if you’re homeless, it’s hard for me not to wonder what you’ve done so wrong to end up here. Sure, a few people hit some bad luck and some people have such strong disabilities they need help, but how many homeless people are experiencing the repercussions of a life very poorly lived? (Asked with logic and not judgement)
The other day I was at the library and there was a homeless guy sitting by himself (or maybe it was someone with a home who had a very unique fashion choice). He was just staring into space. I don’t think he was stoned. It was more of the spaced out look people get from doing nothing for long periods of time. He was just existing. Let me repeat where we were – the library. He could’ve read a book. He could’ve gone on a computer. He could’ve just simply smiled at people walking by. It was like he said, “Today I’m going to do my impersonation of really terrible incense; the kind that makes people choke and wonder why anyone would want to burn incense because it smells so bad.” (I clearly don’t like incense.) As I walked past (choking), I couldn’t help but wonder, “How can you be okay with wasting your life?” Please know, this isn’t coming from judgement. I’m angry. Life is a gift, and it’s our responsibility to make the most of it… aren’t we?
Realistically, is it more loving to want people to exist or to want the best for them? I choose the latter. My love for these people wants more for them. I know someone who works with this community and it’s common for them to die from their addictions. These people are throwing their lives away! I’m tired of people being enabled to live really unhealthy lifestyles. We’re not meant to live on handouts. If you’re an able body, you should have to help set up or clean up where food is served. If you want to live in a tent in the park, you should have to pick up garbage for an hour a day rather than being allowed to treat the park like your own personal trashcan. Besides the rule, don’t do for others what they can do for themselves, the more work you put into something, the more you’ll appreciate it. The more you appreciate something, the more you’ll enjoy life. If we treat people like they’re useless, they’ll be useless, but if we give them responsibilities, there’s a chance they’ll have a sense of purpose and maybe get inspired to improve their lives even a little. There’s a reason the early Salvation Army founders did so well helping people – they gave them purpose. They also connected the people on the streets to God, which has proven to be the best source for helping people with their addictions.
Last week we looked at the following scale that’s very relevant for this lesson:
Wasting Life (-10)——Fruitful to a Point (0)——Overly Fruitful/Workaholic (+10)
So why does this homelessness issue bug me so much even more than the average person? Besides the fact that the tents look terrible and cause an unsettled feeling when you’re at the park with your kids with the tent/trash zones nearby as you’re wondering if these are the drugged out homeless or the ones that keep to themselves, I want them to be fruitful. I want them to be in the center of the scale. Why? Because it’s healthy… and I have a serious fear of wasting time and seeing people waste their time freaks me out. This fear fuels a lot of my thinking. Why do I hate being stuck in lines? I’m wasting time. Why do I hate the city’s population increasing? Because it’s going to cause more traffic and people getting in my way (on top of the pollution it’ll cause) causing me to waste time. Why do I hate change? Besides a lot of change making things worse, it causes me to lose a lot of time adjusting to the new norm. I love Disney World, but even there I can struggle because my brain wants more than to just be entertained.
Last week I was at my weekly family dinner and my sister-in-law mentioned how she’d love to be on a beach and I responded, “That’d be torture to me.” She then added, “I don’t mean for a long time. I just mean for a week,” and I said, “If it’s more than an afternoon, that’d be torture.” She was flabbergasted (a really fun word to use). I then explained to her that I have a fear of wasting time, and she thought that was dumb. That’s when my mom said she had the same fear, and then my brother/her husband admitted to having it as well (it’s clearly a thing in my family). To my sister-in-law, being on the beach is relaxing. To me, “relaxing” is a nap to recover, cleaning up around the house, getting a job done, or stimulating my brain with learning (my favourite part of travel is learning about the area). Sitting around is painful to me because I could be getting something done and feeling good about it instead of lethargic.
Now when I say I have a fear, like my sister-in-law, many people think of a phobia like she has a phobia of snakes. That’s not what I mean. What I’m referring to are simple fears that we all have under the surface whether we realize it or not. Some have a fear of conflict, hurting others, being controlled, or not being respected/loved. We all have something and quite often it’s some things. For instance, I also have a fear of getting in trouble – that’s fun as a grownup. We all have some type of fear under the surface that fuels a lot of our behaviors and beliefs, which can be connected to our childhood and/or trauma. These are fears that we can likely never get rid and only reduce because they are part of who we are. That being said, I was able to get rid of my fear of being stupid because I realized it was a lie my brain was telling me, but I’ll never get rid of these other two fears. The best thing I can do is be self aware and do what I can to work with them to help me be better and reduce the damage they cause.
So why do I have a fear of wasting time?
- I have things I need to do in order to feel better like keeping a clean and organized home space.
- I have fun things I want to get to, but I need to finish all my responsibilities first.
- I want to achieve certain accomplishments (i.e. be fruitful).
- I want to be a blessing to my community and those around me.
- I want to make God happy with how I used all the blessings He’s given me.
And why do I have fear of getting in trouble? I had some scaring events happen in my early thirties that caused me to lose trust in people. That’s a simple one.
This week may you consider your underlying fear is, how it affects your thinking, and how you can use it to your benefit.
Rev Chad David, Learning to love dumb people (like me), ChadDavid.ca