Nice-oholic Pt 18: One of the Nicest Things We can do for Loved Ones  

Last month a friend of mine passed away, Rita Carrey.  Yes, the last name should be familiar because she has a famous brother (and not the one who hosts The Price is Right).  She’s the one who did the forward to my first Christmas book, The Happy Squire: Christmas stories to encourage & inspire, where she shared her favourite family Christmas stories (the book is a free download off my website).  Fortunately, she was someone who believed in Jesus, so her family and friends can take solace knowing that they can see her again in heaven one day.  Because death is the one guarantee in life, her passing is a good reminder that the nicest thing we can do for those we love is prepare ourselves for the next life.  Our culture seems to do its best to pretend death doesn’t happen since many people don’t bother having funerals anymore, but this is a very dangerous way to live.  Not only is ignoring death bad because it means we won’t prepare ourselves for the next life, it’s going to hit us all the harder when we’re finally confronted by the death of a loved one.  Death is hard enough to go through when we know it’s a possibility like when someone is really old and/or sick, but when we don’t expect it or we don’t have experience with it, it’s all the more crushing.  For instance, in past cultures where you had a lot of kids because you expected a few to die, you’d be better prepared when it happened.  Nowadays anyone under 85 dying can be incredibly painful (at least if they were a decent person in sound mind).

At Rita’s candlelight vigil, I met a guy in his late 30s (the one from the story last week) who told me three years before he came home from a night out with friend’s to find his wife dead.  She had been a very healthy 35 year old woman who had taken very good care of herself and had no prior health issues, and after multiple autopsies they still couldn’t figure out what happened.  She hadn’t even had kids to cause her higher levels of stress moms often experience.  They ended up ruling it as an adult version of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), which is terrifying.  Apparently, we are all at risk of just collapsing dead at any time for no explained reason.  There’s a fun thought.   

Fortunately, knowing death is a risk for us and those around us can be a blessing – does that sound strange? Being aware of the risk of death can hopefully help us make better life choices.  As this man added, “We should end our lives with good memories and not good dreams.”  Awareness of the risk of death can also encourage us to take advantage of our time with loved ones while we can.  For instance, I’m well aware that my mom being in her mid 70s I have limited time to enjoy her being around both physically and mentally since her own mom started being hit with dementia when she was 86.  Having a healthy respect of death also encourages us to be safe and not do anything too dumb.  For example, my dream is to visit Israel… but right now is probably not a smart time to go.

Rita had learned the fragility of life in one of the most brutal ways about 20 years ago.  On what started as a normal night, Rita received a phone call from the hospital to say her 26 year old had been killed in a freak car accident.  It was the ultimate nightmare moment any parent can have.  His wedding was booked for the month after, which meant his wedding party had their roles changed to pallbearers.  The reality is, however, cars are very dangerous, yet most of us hop in our car seat taking it for granted we’ll be safe because we normally are.  In 2022, however, 1,931 Canadians died in a car accident, which means 1,930 families were devastated by shock and grief.  You might have noticed I wrote 1,930 instead of 1,931.  That’s because I’m pretty sure there was a least one family who wasn’t that upset by the loss of someone – is that too honest? That same year, car accidents caused 8,851 Canadians to be seriously hurt, and the number of injuries as a whole was 118,853 – that’s a lot of healthcare tax dollars being used.  Every time we step into a car or say goodbye to a loved one, we should be aware that we are accepting the risks that go along with driving in a tin can that moves at very high rates, and not only depends on our driving skills, but others’ as well – that’s scary.  As my mom used to say when I lived at home: “Watch out for the bad guys,” and there definitely is a few of those out there.  As this points out, we need to respect life and driving because both are serious responsibilities.

A name anyone who’s had high school math should know is Blaise Pascal (1623-1662).  He was a mathematician and physicist (aka a nerd) who was also a philosopher (aka an artsy geek) and theologian (aka a church dork).  That means at parties he could bore others with three different types of conversations.  He’s got me beat.  I’m mostly a weak theologian (aka a church dork not as smart as Pascal).   His best known philosophy is called Pascal’s Wager (I wonder where he got the first part of that name from).  He argued that believing or not believing in God is a form of gambling.

1. You believe there’s a (Christian) God and there is a (Christian) God
2. You believe there’s a (Christian) God and there is NOT a (Christian) God
3. You don’t believe there’s a (Christian) God and there is a (Christian) God
4. You don’t believe there’s a (Christian) God and there is NOT a (Christian) God

This means:

1. If number one is true then I’m set.
2. If number two is true then I had the placebo benefits of believing in God, which gave me direction in life, a higher level of morality, and a community of fellow believers to make my life more meaningful. Overall, it’s not that bad.
3. If number three is true then I’m screwed.
4. If number four is true then we’re all essentially screwed and this is as good as it gets. Considering how many people kill themselves because this life is too painful while a large number of others drink and smoke their pain into submission to cope with life, this idea is pretty scary.  Life would just suck and then we die.

Pascal’s point was we should be logical and believe in the Christian God because that leads to the best odds.  Even if we’re wrong, at least the hope there’s a God makes life better than the thought that this is the best it gets (especially when it can really suck).

I should point out that there are some people who call Pascal’s Wager a fallacy because it assumes there are only the two options of whether there is a Christian God or not.  These people claim it’s an oversimplification of religion, but like many others, I would argue that these people are wrong.  Why? Because I’m a Christian (yea for being biased).  In Christianity, you either believe what Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me,” (John 14:6) or you don’t.  Sure, some Christians will argue I’m being too literal, but is that being a nice-oholic because it’s a terrifying thought? That’s another gamble.  As someone who doesn’t like to gamble, I’d rather play it safe.

So what about groups like Muslims who believe Jesus is a prophet, but not the son of God? Does that mean they don’t go to heaven? Great question… I don’t want to answer because it terrifies me.  The Muslim faith is prophesied in Genesis when Haggar, Abraham’s baby mama, is told her son, Ishmael, will have a great line (i.e. Islam) just like Isaac whose line led to the Judeo-Christian faiths.  If God prophesied the Muslims, does that mean God makes exceptions to the Jesus rule? I’m not God, so I can only go by what I believe the Bible when it says “…No one can come to the Father except through me.”  Maybe believing Jesus being a prophet is good enough.  All I know is it’s definitely not a risk I’d want to make.  That being said, I had a Muslim friend years ago tell me Islam is Christianity 2.0.  To him, I was “misdirected,” but we will both be in heaven together one day.  I also assume there’ll be Muslims who would disagree with him.  In their eyes I’d be screwed because their way is the only way.  This means there are seven basic choices we’ll call Chad’s Wager (I wonder where I got the first part of that name):

1. Jesus is the only way.
2. Jesus is the only way with leniencies for people like Muslims who believe He’s a prophet
3. Islam is the only way.
4. You just need to be a good enough person (whatever that means because most of our morality is founded on Judeo-Christian teachings).
5. Everyone gets into heaven.
6. We are reincarnated into this life in an endless loop until maybe there’s an escape for the enlightened.
7. There is nothing after this. We’re all just chance.

Just like in Pascal’s Wager, being the Christian is the safest bet, but unfortunately, for most people it’s easier not to even think about death because it’s too scary.  If, however, we want to be nice to our loved ones, we’ll look more seriously into this because it can make our passing much easier to accept.

This week may you consider how you want to wager on your life whether for your own benefit or for your loved ones.

Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)