This past weekend I experienced three different types of nice. The one made me feel great, one fine, and the other left me a little sad. How can nice leave someone feeling sad? Let’s get into it (or you can skip to the end to see them). This past weekend I went to Fan Expo in Toronto. Fortunately, I learned from last year that Saturday is a terrible day to go since it’s so rammed full of people you end up grinding with each other in order to move anywhere. It’s like a 90s dance floor, but instead of people dressed in fancy outfits to look their best in hopes of getting others to oogle them and maybe meet someone special, it’s a mix of people. For instance, there were those dressed in “fancy” outfits (aka costumes) to not look like themselves in hopes of getting others to oogle them and maybe meet someone special. There were also those who should’ve been showered in Febreze when they went through security – delightful – and people like me with my own weirdness like how I want to shower in anti-bacterial gel after touching a public bathroom door handle at the GO train station – so gross. Not only was Sunday less busy, the top celebrities were still there unlike on the Thursday and Friday. Yes, I’m one of those people who find celebrities fascinating, but they’re like the lottery winners of commercial success. They’re the select few who can unite those from around the continent and sometimes the world because of their art and status. I know they are human, but they are special and how they got to that point fascinates me.
I have no desire to be a celebrity. I’m happy not being hated by a large number of people (the more people love you, the more others will hate you). My life goals, however, include “doing some cool things” and “making the world better than I left it.” This is one of the reasons I have the goal of writing and publishing one book a year for the 2020s (my book for 2024 should be out in the fall). Like most artists, my dream is to create something that actually inspires a large audience, which has been why I’ve hoped to connect to a celebrity to help them write something like a biography. This year I was excited at the idea of meeting Patrick Warburton because he’s one of my all-time favourite characters, Jeff Bingham, from Rules of Engagement. He’s also the voice of Kronk from The Emperor’s New Groove and Joe Swanson from Family Guy, with the role that changed his life being David Puddy from Seinfeld – high five! He’s not the biggest name (hence I had to explain who he was), but I had hoped that being a celebrity who’s been married for over 33 years he might be interested in writing a book on marriage advice. As Fan Expo got closer, Josh Gad, the voice of Olaf joined the roster. Josh is also a producer and writer, which got me thinking maybe he might like my book, Christmas Carol 2: Be a little more Scrooge. When the event’s schedule was posted, the first celebrity talk on Sunday was by Bryce Dallas Howard who’s best known for her role in the new Jurassic Park series and being Ron Howard’s daughter. For some reason I was intrigued by her and I added her as a potential person to meet at the show. The problem with meeting celebrities, however, is it costs a chunk, so I had to really want to meet the person if I was going to pay the fee.
I know it’s a foolish dream to think I’ll somehow win the interest of a celebrity as a random guy out of the over 100k people at the event and the 1000s of others who regularly try to connect with them, but I’ve learned I need to have a dream – it’s something positive to put my mind toward. I’m well aware that celebrities have low trust for others because they constantly feel like people want to use them (mostly because people do), but I know my heart is pure. I want to help them as much as they can help me. Besides, I’m not looking for money because God has given me a job that provides for my family.
Tip: Whenever we need to talk to someone it’s wise to know what is my goal and plan accordingly, especially since I’d only have a few seconds to minutes to try to sell myself. Since I wanted to write a marriage book with Patrick, I brought my relationship book for him. Since I hoped to impress Josh Gad with my creativity, I brought my Christmas Carol 2, but after Google told me he had two young girls, I also packed my other two Christmas books, The Happy Squire: Christmas stories to encourage & inspire and the sequel. I know there’s a 99% chance they’ll all end up in the recycling bin at the event, but I hoped giving him a souvenir for his kids might help reduce that risk to 98%. On the plus side, those books also showed how dedicated I am to writing. Finally, not sure if I’d see anyone else like Bryce Dallas Howard, I threw in a couple extra Christmas books to be safe.
The day started watching Bryce Dallas Howard’s interview and she was pretty awesome. She was grounded and fun. One fan asked, “Your third generation Hollywood; how has your family avoided scandal?” which was an insightful question because I had no idea her dad had celebrity parents or thought about how impressive it is her family has avoided bad press. She shared how her grandparents had high integrity and they found a way to pass it down to the following generations and the way she talked proved this was the case; she had been taught well. At one point she mentioned she was a people pleaser and I was sold. I would pay to see her and give my Christmas Carol 2 book because it dealt with this topic, so there was a smidgen of a chance she would read it.
When seeing fans Bryce took time to talk to each person who went up to see her. She was incredibly engaged with each person and especially with the group of three girls in front of me. What was interesting was her husband, Seth Gabel, was sitting at the table with her. He’s been on the Fringe and Arrow and people could pay a small amount for his autograph or picture. He was very humble the way he let his wife interact with fans while he went largely ignored. Since I’m someone who will start conversations with random people just to be friendly, I asked him something simple and he was happy to answer. This led to a great conversation where I asked how he won his wife over that went into how he was filming in Vancouver when she was expecting their first, so she flew up to be with him to give birth. It was funny because my brother and I were having such a great conversation with him, Bryce had to interrupt us. Because I was already in the talking mode, I was able to speak with her better than I have with any other celebrity I’ve met in the past. It also helped that she was so incredibly engaging. When I gave my explanation for why I thought she’d like the book, I also gave her husband a copy of The Happy Squire Christmas saying, “It’d be rude not to give you each something.” They were both very gracious in how they received them, and for the selfie I paid to do, she had her husband join us for a couple pictures, which she hadn’t done for anyone else, and then did a couple with just her. She was reciprocally kind, which helps people like me feel appreciated for our efforts – it was fantastic.
When I first told my brother I wanted to meet Bryce he thought I was crazy because it’s not cheap and he knew I wanted to meet Patrick and Josh. After our picture with the couple, however, he was in awe like I was with how amazing it was talking to them. I’m thankful God has taught me the value of being friendly and starting random conversations because it wouldn’t have been a fraction as positive if I hadn’t said hello to her husband. Being nice can be scary, but when it’s done to the right people, being nice can give you a rush of good feelings.
Josh Gad seems like the kind of person you’d want as a friend. He has a great sense of humor, which is best demonstrated by the fact that he improvised a lot of Olaf’s lines including, “I’ve been impaled.” Learning cool facts like this is why I love watching the interviews. Josh didn’t spend as much time with each person, but he was still more engaging than most celebrities I’ve seen before. Plus, he was fighting a cold, so he was struggling to keep his voice going. When I mentioned I could help him with a biography, he replied, “I actually have one coming out next year,” and because I was still riding the high of meeting Bryce and Seth, I retorted, “That’s too bad; I would’ve made it better,” which made him laugh and say, “I like the confidence on this guy.”
When I met Patrick Warburton, I mentioned how much I loved Rules of Engagement and his “I was right and you were wrong” dance in the one episode. I then added how impressive it was that he’d been married for over 30 years in Hollywood and that I would be happy to help him write a book on marriage advice or a biography. As I went to hand him my book, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. That was a clear “no thank you” moment. He then chatted with us in a very friendly manner for a few minutes before saying it was nice to meet us because he must have thought we just wanted to say hi. I then mentioned I paid for the selfie and he did the picture with us in a very fun way. Fun fact, he was exactly who you think he’d be based on his characters.
So what are the different types of nice?
Bryce Dallas Howard: She was the gracious side of nice where she wanted to make people feel special and she achieved it with everyone she interacted with that day. This is the kind of nice that needs encouraging because I can imagine it could easily lead to burning out (or maybe that’s my own experience coming out).
Josh Gad: He was nice in a more level way. He was friendly, but he was more guy about it (if that makes sense). I’m sure his daughters ended up getting different souvenirs than my books, but he was still gracious. I’m sure his honesty about already having a biography was more about him sharing something he was excited about rather than shutting me down. Either way, he was gracious in handling my response, which was a joke that could’ve been misinterpreted. He definitely has practiced his improv skills and “Yes, and,” which I regularly promote for better communication skills.
Patrick Warburton: He was nice in the “I’m not getting your hopes up” kind of way. I’m being straightforward in my body language to avoid being direct with my words. Sometimes being nice to a point doesn’t leave the other person feeling good in the moment, but it’s better in the long run because it’s honest. Ultimately, it was nice of him to take the time to talk to us as long as he did, especially when he didn’t think we were paying to see him.
Bonus: The hardest part about these moments is forcing my brain not to over think the meetings and second guess everything I said. It’s fun to dream and do things in hopes of moving toward them, but everything has a cost. Ultimately, I needed to work at being nice to myself and not beat myself up for not saying something smarter to actually win them over. What’s helped is reminding myself that if God wants to use my talents in a bigger way, He will open a door. If He’s gotten me this far, I should trust Him to continue finding ways to use me. Either way, as the Bible teaches random person like me or celebrities: “…we are but dust and that our days are few and brief, like grass, like flowers, blown by the wind and gone forever.” (Psa 103:14-16) You’re welcome for that happy thought (smirking to myself because it can be fun to be a jerk sometimes).
This week may you consider how nice doesn’t always leave people feeling happy and sometimes the hardest person to be nice to is ourselves.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people (like me)