One of the worst days of my life began with everything looking good. The sun was shining, and I was in my pool floating without a care in the world laughing with my friends. It was a great day… that is until my one friend ruined it; he ruined the day and, to be overdramatic, he ruined my life. With just 3 simple words, my world crumbled. After a session of laughing, my friend looked around, leaned in and said in a low voice: “I have a secret.” As a young boy, secrets are awesome. Secrets give you power. Secrets let you be a little bit smarter than someone else thereby making you a little bit better than that person (that’s not true, but that’s what I thought back then). Our little group was excited. We huddled together to hear the big news, and in a surprisingly low voice for a ten year old he said: “Wrestling is fake.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……………. (breath) NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…………… One of my other friends ended up backing up this claim. He said wrestling was fake like Pamela Anderson… whatever that meant; I was 10. Hearing this was devastating because I loved wrestling. I had been collecting the Panini stickers for my sticker album. I had the lunchbox. I had the toy wrestlers and my own homemade wrestling ring made of cardboard and string. In that moment my childhood turned from carefree, to careful. It went from dream filled, to dream squished. How could they have lied to me? I was a Hulkamaniac. How could Hulk lie to me? After all this time I was saying my prayers and taking my vitamins… thank you Flintstones… but it was all a lie. My friend then said that Hulk Hogan’s name wasn’t even Hulk Hogan. In retrospect who names their kid “Hulk”? I mean who besides me when I have a child. Guy or girl, my first born will be Hulk. Hulk is awesome and it’s so much better than his real name, Terry Gene Bollea. When I heard this I thought Hulk Hogan isn’t real and he’s a girl? Terry? That’s a girl’s name. Gene? That’s a girl’s name. Fortunately, my friend clarified that Terry and Gene are unisex names. We then all giggled because he said sex… we were upset, but the word sex is comedy gold for a 10 year old. After the short giggle distraction, I was upset again. Wrestling might be fake, but the bigger problem was how could the world lie to me? How could my parents lie to me? Lying was bad… wasn’t it? Or was that a lie too?
If this had been an isolated incident I may have been able to let it slide, but it wasn’t. This was just the beginning of hearing that what my parents taught me was a lie. The biggest lie adults tell kids is: “You can be anything you want.” Really? Clearly not. I’m not the President of the United States. Several things got in my way; not being American is probably the biggest. You can be anything you want? Have you been to LA? Every minimum wage restaurant worker is a want-to-be actor or writer. Have you seen American Idol auditions? (random person representing the majority of the people auditioning for the show) “I’m going to be the next American Idol.” (judge) “Have you ever sung in front of a crowd?” (random person) “No… why does that matter?” When these very talented in anything by singing kids (I’m assuming they have another actual talent) get ripped apart by the judges, the parents are somehow surprised: (random parent of teen with no singing experience) “What do you mean you’re not the best out of the 1000s of people auditioning? You sang so well 20 years ago in your daycare Christmas musical.” In these situations the parents might not be the sharpest tool in the empty shed, or two tires short a unicycle… but part of them must know their child isn’t the best one there. So why do parents lie to their children? Are parents trying to destroy the trust their kids offer them? Is it a tradition? (random person representing all parents) “My parents lied to me, so I’m going to lie to my kids… this is going to be awesome seeing their dreams be dashed and their reality be turned upside down… oh, and Hulk Hogan really is a woman.”
Why would parents lie to their kids like this? Lying is supposed to be wrong. Are they evil? The obvious answer is yes… I mean, yes, lying is wrong, but no parents aren’t evil. People, in general, aren’t evil. People generally aren’t rubbing their hands together asking how can I upset someone today? We’re not evil, but we can be selfish and self-obsessed, which can give that impression. But, is that what happened here? Are these parents being selfish in lying to their kids?
One of the best things I’ve learned is that sometimes bad things like lying can actually be good when they’re done in love. For instance, if my future wife asks me if there’s anyone more attractive than her I’m smart enough to lie, “You are the fairest of them all,” because I know that’s what she wants to hear (probably shouldn’t compare her to the witch in Snow White). She doesn’t want to hear how the babysitter has a great butt or the UPS lady has sweet boots. Another example, if my future kids ask me if I love them, I’m going to say yes… hopefully that one will be true. I guess only time will tell.
Jesus, hailed as the Son of God by Christians and one of the wisest prophets by all the others, said the greatest rule of all is to love. Thus, when in doubt whether something is right or wrong, we should ask: is it loving? Is it loving to yell back? Is it loving to make a disparaging Facebook status about others? Is it loving to let the dog lick your friend’s face after he’s just eaten his poop? Parents may lie to their kids, but hopefully in the above situations (wrestling and future, not yelling) it’s done in love… yeah, talk about grey area. But in life there are a lot of grey areas, and that’s why it’s important to focus on the question is it loving? If your focus is love then you’ll be able to see the grey area better, and you won’t be acting out of self interest, but in mutual interest for both you and the other.
This week may you start to consider what it means to act in love. May you start to see past the rules and see whether there is love behind it. Rules don’t make life better; love does.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up