As we discussed last week, your partner is not a trashcan. We can’t shove whatever we want down their throats and expect them to say THANK YOU. Your partner is more like… a toilet. This will make sense in a minute or two… or an hour depending on how slow you read. And yes, I’m aware I need to work on my romantic side, but I am smart enough not to say to my girlfriend: “Your skin sparkles like the freshly scrubbed porcelain of a toilet. That reminds me; don’t go in the bathroom for a couple minutes.” Regardless of how unromantic it may be, this is a very helpful analogy partly because it is a strong comparison and also because you’ll be reminded of it on a regular basis… assuming you need to use a toilet on a regular basis; I hope you do or you may want to see a doctor.
Like your partner, your toilet is a luxury. You don’t need it; you can live happily without one. You can go in the woods, a potted plant or even in a friend’s pool… preferably not mine. You don’t need a toilet, but life is so much better when you have one. Notice I didn’t say your partner is like a bedpan because we only use those when we’re desperate. Using a bedpan means something is wrong. We’re likely in the hospital and can’t move to get to the bathroom… or the person is just too lazy and settling for something that’s not his or her bed. Similarly, our partner is a luxury; we may take him or her for granted, but we notice what a gift he or she is when we don’t have one. Like a partner, a toilet is something that makes life better… at least if you choose a good one, but that’s up to you.
One of the things I’ve found is if life gives us the opportunity to choose between using our toilet or a toilet at random, most people will choose to use their own. Using a public toilet most people try to keep their distance using handrails or squatting to hover or shooting from a distance and hoping for the best. Our toilet is different. We don’t mind getting close because there’s something comforting about our own. Overtime you and your toilet create a connection that can only be known through experience and getting to know the other’s background, quirks and limitations. At some point you may find other toilets that seem nicer or younger and more attractive, but there is nothing like going home to your own. This connection is more important than any other option you may find with a curvier seat, flatter handles or a flashier knob. Unlike anything new, your toilet knows you and accepts you. It doesn’t judge you. It’s seen you at your worst. It knows your darkest secrets, your guilt and shame, and yet, it accepts you. When the intestines start to sing a song and do a dance, is there anything more comforting than being with your own familiar toilet? It’s there for you when you’re sick. It holds your head up and helps wash away all of the waste. Your toilet is a gift just like your partner. When people get married, they are agreeing to accept their spouse with all of his or her faults and smells, in sickness and in health. And what’s exciting is that when you get married, you are both saying that you are accepted and worth loving for the rest of your lives… that was almost romantic wasn’t it?
Toilets are also a good reminder that how attractive it is and how well it runs for us depend on how well we take care of it. If we mistreat our toilet it’s going to get damaged and it’ll never be the same. If we never clean our toilet, it’s going to be nasty and have a few bugs. Like any luxury, we need to respect it and treat it with care. We can’t cram everything down a toilet. If we don’t respect it we’ll be standing over it pleading, “No please stop; don’t overflow!” while every terrible thing we’ve shoved down its throat comes right back at us with a vengeance. Similarly we need to respect our partner by watching how we treat him or her respecting how he or she works. Your toilet and your partner can only handle so much crap (now I’ve lost all romance). Sometimes you need to double flush, which is like spreading out your negative junk. We need to balance our negativity with offering love to our partner by watching what we say and do. We need to be polite with our toilet because no matter how loud we are, our toilet is going to echo back even louder. Toilets are in the shape of an amphitheatre. Why? I don’t know; I think it’s a manufacturer conspiracy to embarrass guests at your house: (Toilet) “You have a tiny toot do you? Let’s make it sound like a giant tuba.” Similarly, if we yell or attack someone, it’s likely going to come back all the louder at us. Ultimately, your partner is a luxury; life is better with him or her, and no one else will feel as right as the one with whom you’ve made your life. Ultimately, the best way to show love to our partner is by making ourselves easier to love. If we act with patience, kindness, self control and gentleness, it’ll be easier for our partner to show us the same… and if they don’t, put a cockroach in their cereal… that’s a joke… unless you think they’re into that; I know my partner is… I mean…
This week may you fully realize that your partner is not a trashcan who should always say thank you, but rather a toilet since he or she is a luxury we need to respect and treat with love.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up