The Dalai Lama once said, “Be optimistic it feels better.” (Yes, I’m a Reverend quoting the figurehead of Buddhism, but there are a lot of similarities between our two groups). There is a lot of truth to this; being optimistic does help us feel better… unless it causes you to get punched out: (optimistic guy) “Isn’t this exciting? Our car has broken down in the middle of nowhere with no one to help us. What a wonderful opportunity to…” (punched in the face by someone who’s not optimistic). Very quickly, before I continue sharing the importance of what the Dalai Lama said, I’d like to say don’t be stupid in your optimism. For instance, when I was at my dad’s funeral I really didn’t appreciate when a couple people said, “Don’t feel bad; he’s in a better place.” To these people I wanted to say screw you, but instead I smiled. I was still young and cared about looking good. Now that I’m more authentic I think I’d be more tempted to offer my fist. Not to the face. I’m not that mean… to my hand. Punching a face hurts… at least I assume it would. I’ve never hit anyone. If I was to punch someone I’d go for the gut. I want some cushioning for my hand. This is the one time having a big gut pays off for all parties involved, so I want to celebrate it. Anyway, the point is don’t offer stupid optimism… unless you’re at a funeral and you think what the mourners need is someone to punch in order to feel better.
I believe the Dalai Lama is right – about optimism anyway – because being optimistic feels better (minus the above stipulation). This of course leads to the question: why isn’t everyone optimistic? Don’t we want to feel better? If you were on the street and asked people would you rather feel good or crappy, the response is likely going to be something like: (assumed random person) “That’s a stupid question; I’d want to feel good.” The problem is we can be optimistic and feel good or we can be negative and have something to talk about. For some reason many of us are drawn to the latter rather than the former. This is partially because being negative draws attention. For instance, the media exacerbates stories in order to viewers, which is the same thing good story tellers do in order to excite an audience. Thus, we would rather complain than be grateful because being positive will likely make us sound… boring and lead to us being ignored. Negativity, on the other hand, helps us look like the victim and makes us look like someone others can help.
As you can probably guess I have to work at being positive because I naturally go towards… seeing room for improvement (that was my attempt to sound positive). For instance, when I first started dating my girlfriend I learned that if we go on a long car ride together she will fall asleep. I also learned that I hated that she would fall asleep. Knowing this, she would try to stay awake and she would… for 5 minutes or so. I kept asking her, “Why can’t you stay awake?” I asked this a bunch of times… when she was asleep. I may have hated her falling asleep, but I hated conflict even more. I used to resent it when she fell asleep in the car. You may be thinking I was upset because I took it as a sign she thought I was boring. No, I’m okay with being boring. I was upset because I wanted to be sleeping. That should be me snoozing. Yes, I know that was hypocritical, and that’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell her I hated how she would fall asleep. I’m boring not stupid.
Fortunately, I eventually heard a comedian, John Branyan, tell how one time when his wife fell asleep he drove to a truck stop and pulled up in front of a transport with its headlights still on. He then put the car in neutral, revved the engine, and screamed like they were about to be in a head on. How mean is that? How wonderfully and beautifully mean? Thus, he taught me to seek the positive because even bad situations can be fun. From this point on I started to see my girlfriend falling asleep differently. Now when she falls asleep I’ve found we have our best conversations. When she’s asleep, she’s an excellent listener. She never interrupts or corrects me; she never gets angry. It’s fantastic. I now have no problem sharing issues that I’m afraid could lead to a fight. I can be completely honest and never get in trouble. What’s even better is when she sleeps her head sways back and forth, so I’ll ask her questions: (me) “Do you want me to buy you flowers?” (Shakes no) “Do you want to know what I really did last summer in Vegas?” (Shakes no) “Have you ever met anyone manlier?” (Nods yes) “Hey!”
When she first starts to fall asleep it’s hilarious. Her head does this circular, around the world motion. She does this because she’s demon possessed. It’s true. I asked her: “If you’re demon possessed don’t say anything… thought so. That explains the fights we have.” I used to think she was irrational, but now I know it’s because she’s demon possessed. If you’re wondering how I could post this when she could read it, that’s a very good questions… I’ll have to warn her later on our trip up north.
Ultimately, this was something I once hated, but now I love it. Is it because I turned evil or was it based on how I perceived it? This answer couldn’t be any easier. I’ve always been evil, which is why we get along so well; thus, it’s based on how I perceived it. If how we perceive something affects how we think about it than we have the option to think optimistically in all situations. Thus, we ultimately have the power to feel better; the question we’re left with is do we want to be optimistic and feel better or be negative and have something to talk about?
This week may you find something that once troubled you and find the good in it. We may want to have something to complain about, but being optimistic will lead us to enjoy life more and to be happier.
By Rev. Chad David, www.emotionalsex.ca