Porn vs. Cosmo

The following topic will likely get me in a lot of trouble… awesome.  For some, I will seem judgemental while to others I won’t seem judgemental enough.  Let’s see what happens shall we?

Here’s a fun question to ask people: what’s more dangerous, amateur porn or Cosmo (or other fashion magazines)?

I grew up in a Christian home, which naturally taught that sex and anything to do with it was wrong, especially pornography.  As a reverend, I need to follow these same principles – yes, this is one of the comments that will cause people to say I’m judgemental while others will say I’m not judgemental enough.  At the same time, I’m also a counselor, so I love pornography – that’ll get me in trouble – because porn addiction and the damage it causes to relationships helps guarantee future work for me –  see how I spun that around?  Awhile ago I decided I will never say don’t watch porn to young people – this statement will get me in trouble too – because saying don’t do something to a young person is basically saying: “You know what you should do…”  And no, I will never say don’t watch porn to young people because I hope to see them in my counseling office needing my help for a $100 an hour; that’s horrible and disgusting… at least to my good side that’s horrible and disgusting… and I do have a good side… and I think it’s bigger than my bad side… I think – I’m so going to get in trouble for this.  Regardless of your stance on pornography, its use is in a high risk category that can be damaging to your mind and your relationships.

That being said, there is a Dove commercial that demonstrates what happens with magazine and ad posters (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U) where a normal looking person is not only dolled up with make-up and excessive hair styling, but the face is altered with Photoshop.  It’s like someone said: “I don’t think women in magazines look plastic enough. Sure she has a fake skin tone because of tanning and make up, and surgery has made her more machine now than man (that’s a Star Wars reference for my fellow fans), but I want more.  I want the Fak-i-est faker faking fake.”  I hate the covers of magazines because the women look half cartoon… because they are.  They’ve been so altered they’ve become a caricature.  It’s almost as if some computer nerds got together and said:  (nerd) “We need more computer based jobs, so let’s convince the world fake looking people are more beautiful.” (other nerd) “Are people that dumb? Hasn’t Michael Jackson and Kenny Rogers proved fake is nasty? Joan Rivers’ skin has been so stretched it looks like she’s always going through a wind tunnel.  Why would people want that?”  (nerd) “Don’t worry; people are that dumb.  Eventually they’ll think any blemish and flaw is hideous, so they’ll spend limitless amounts on makeup and Spanx, or the male equivalent… spandex biker shorts.”

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but men and women’s magazines are full of images of women… really fake looking women… and a few fake looking guys in the background.  The unfortunate reality is many people see these half-cartoon people images and want to look more like that.  This damages self worth and can lead to eating disorders or overindulging in order to be distracted from the pain.

To add to this, these images are readily available everywhere we go: malls, schools, bus stops, and cereal boxes; Count Chocula is a real person Photoshopped… okay, maybe not, but the point is we’re inundated with fake.  Comparing ourselves to these fake images is foolish.  Can you imagine a mouse looking at Mickey Mouse and deciding to wear knickers, or shorts, or whatever he’s wearing?  Or maybe the mouse would want ear extensions or to be shaved and painted black to be more like Mickey?  Can you imagine a frog feeling inadequate because he can’t play guitar and sing “It’s not easy being green” partly because he doesn’t even know what the colour green is?  No, we can’t imagine this… mostly because they’re all impossible scenarios, but when we want to look more half-cartoon, however, it is this ridiculous because we’re not meant to look… fake.  At the same time, I even have moments where I wish I could look more like the guys in the magazines; I want to look more man-pretty.  Fortunately, I’m just too cheap to pay to have six pack lines tattooed to my stomach… I like cookies too much to actually have a six pack.

One of the main arguments against porn is that it creates outlandish expectations of ourselves and our partners… but that’s exactly what these magazines are doing except these hit on a more practical, day to day level.  Unlike porn, it’s not just bigger expectations in the bedroom (there was no nice way to write that); these magazines like Cosmo are making people have bigger expectations on a personal level that is increasing insecurity and fear.  Thus, on some level, Cosmo is more dangerous than pornography because it affects the heart of people.

It could even be argued that amateur porn, which is images/videos of real people (or so-called real people), counterattacks the false images we see in magazines.  In some ways it’s healthier than these magazine ads because it’s based more in reality.  I’m not saying I support porn, but I am saying this to emphasize how unhealthy these Photoshopped images are.  If amateur porn, something that can lead to addiction and relationships falling apart, is better than these magazine covers then we need to re-evaluate what we’re putting on our shelves.  These magazines lead to things like eating disorders, self harm, anxiety and depression, which all damage relationships and lives.  All of these issues are strong reasons for people to seek… counseling… to get… help… (pause to think) Maybe that’s it?  Maybe these Photoshop images aren’t the result of computer nerds but counselors wanting more clients? Maybe they’re working together in some giant conspiracy? Maybe a bunch of social outcasts got together and divided up the roles: (leader) “You work as a counselor since you’re more socially acceptable and I’ll work with Photoshop since talking to people scares me.”  Or maybe… just maybe… I’m full of it, and just rambling at this point.

This week may you look at magazine covers and ads in a store and not feel envy or self degradation, but realize these images are more cartoon than reality.  And may you feel bad for the models being used because it may be bad looking at a random face that’s been altered thereby making you not feel good enough, but these models whose faces are being altered are being shown that they aren’t good enough.  I wouldn’t want to be a model… not that I have a choice, but I still feel bad for them.  Hopefully this article will spark a rethinking of how we see ourselves, and not lead to you judging and hating me.

Reverend Chad, www.emotionalsex.ca