As long as I can remember I wanted to be funny. I thought laughter was the ultimate gift to give people, and I desperately wanted to be able to offer this. I ended up hooked on everything comedy, especially with the classics like Abbott and Costello and Martin and Lewis. I was obsessed with learning all I could at a time before Youtube, which meant I used a thing called the library and video stores… video stores were these places you’d rent VHS tapes and later DVDs because you couldn’t just steal them online. Yes, there was such a time. Through the years I always found a way to perform and it was amazing… some times. Other times, it was the worst… the worst! My one friend who is way funnier than me once said that after a bad show he would lock himself in his bedroom for days because he was so upset. Tanking, or just thinking you tanked, is one of the worst feelings. It combines all the benefits of feeling rejected, failing, and being judged. Some comedians develop a ‘screw you’ edge, but even they need to feel accepted at some point. I currently do funny wedding ceremonies, and I regularly receive praise from very kind people who take the time to say something. For instance, last week I had a DJ of thirty years say: “That was the best ceremony I’ve ever seen.” It was an incredible compliment, and I was very appreciative of it. I’m even fortunate enough to be in a spot where I have had enough success that I believe what he says. I’m really good… at least that’s what I believe most of the time. The truth is no matter how many great performances you have or how much praise you receive, one person can destroy you. No matter what you once believed or you’ve heard, that’s what sticks to you, and leads you to second guess everything you thought about yourself or be afraid that you’re losing it. Being funny is hard because every audience is different and everyone has different tastes, but the worst part is your feelings can be forgotten because it’s easy to assume if you’re funny you must be happy and love life. This can even lead to people being extra critical because they assume you can take it. Thus, between your own mental battles and the criticism you face, being funny can feel like a curse. The terrible reality is there is a reason comedians like Robin Williams kill themselves. Unlike most comedians, I’m also a therapist so I have the benefit of understanding emotional health and having a lot of techniques I can use to help fight these thoughts, but sometimes the emotions are just too strong for logic. Sometimes you just wish you could do a job and hide from the world, so you won’t upset anyone because everything you do seems to lead to judgment and perceived failure. I recently did a wedding that gave me some of the biggest laughs I’ve ever received, but after the ceremony the groom appeared distant with me and the rest of my day at home became about fighting feeling terrible. Regardless of how many laughs I received, I couldn’t help but be afraid I hurt him in some way. I knew the odds were he was distracted; it was, after all, his wedding and he had a hundred people wanting to see him, but like most comedians I’m incredibly sensitive and all I want is to offer the gift of laughter, a gift that’s very personal, which makes it all the more hurtful when it’s rejected.
What people forget is most funny people discover their talent because they are trying to reduce conflict, cheer someone up, earn love, and/or reduce the risk of people making fun of them. Ultimately, I’d argue the number one thing funny people hate is rejection and when you’re funny you end up guaranteed to be rejected at some point and potentially in incredibly harsh ways by someone who is unnecessarily offended. Why? Because they are broken people who need something to be angry at and comedians appear safe to attack. And yet, even knowing criticism comes from a broken person who doesn’t have the courage or ability to be funny themselves, because funny people are so sensitive to rejection, a dumb person rejecting them can still be soul crushing. At the same time, if you’re a funny person who isn’t allowed to be funny for some reason, you eventually implode because you need to perform in some way even if it’s in conversation. Both lifestyles lead to emotional turmoil. Thus, being funny is a curse because you are screwed if you do and screwed if you don’t.
So for people wondering how being funny can be a curse, here’s a quick summary of what sends comedians into extreme downs:
- Most comedians are very sensitive, which leaves them to be more susceptible to symptoms of depression.
- Being known as funny can lead to people not taking you seriously. One man told me I’d never be a real preacher because I used humor in speaking. He was pretty dumb… but it still hurt.
- Laughter can be a trap where you need it to feel approval, but this is a slippery slope especially when people may not respond because they’re having a bad day; this rejection has nothing to do with you, but it can feel like it is.
- Being funny is something you do because you want people to be happy, but at some point it’s just going to get you in trouble.
- Most comedians start out by learning that being funny is a way to reduce conflict, so when it causes conflict it messes with your mind.
- Even the best joke can tank in the wrong audience, or a terrible joke will get a laugh and you’re left wondering what’s actually funny.
- Being funny is like having an opinion; someone’s not going to like it. Unlike opinionated people, comedians don’t usually have a hard shell or angry side that pushes them to fight back.
- Like any drug, there is a high that comes from a great performance, which is almost always followed by a crash after.
- Unlike drugs, sometimes there isn’t a high because you flopped or you think you flopped, which feels like the same thing.
- Most comedians are very creative and can find creative ways to beat themselves up.
- Some comedians will lash out at their attackers, but behind the scenes they still feel the sting.
- There will always be someone at some point who rips you apart for being inappropriate and/or not funny. Even if thousands of people like you, there will be one person who hates what you say and makes sure you know it.
- If you do give up trying to be funny there will be people disappointed that you gave up leading to guilt.
- When people think you’re funny, there can be a pressure to always be funny.
- Seeing someone who’s funnier than you can lead to jealousy and feeling inferior.
- Being funny can become very competitive between comedians, especially when it comes to battling over who came up with what joke first.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people