Last week I was introduced to the worst person I’ve met in a long time. Guess what he does for a living? He’s a pastor. Oddly enough, the day before I was introduced to one of the best people I’ve met in a long time. Guess what he does for a living? He’s also a pastor. This pastor greeted my friends and I after a comedy show his church put on (www.flambc.org). He was warm and welcoming in a way that is a good example of the loving spirit I wrote about last week. The worst person, on the other hand, he was a good example of a bully, a jerk, a jerkish bully, a jerkish bully jerk… you get the idea. Perhaps he was having a bad day, but I think it goes deeper than that. It felt like his heart was covered in the mold of pride. Here’s what happened with him. I ended up sending an email to a long list of pastors from the Hamilton/Burlington area with the subject heading “After visiting 40 churches this is what I learned…” After a few sentences saying who I was and why I was sending them this letter I mentioned that it was exciting to see how every church we visited was doing good things. It was also exciting to see that they all had some weak areas as well, which means churches should neither feel inferior nor superior to other churches. I then made three headings: why I would visit a church, why I wouldn’t return and why I would return, which I wrote with a positive tone. A number of pastors replied to thank me for sending it; one was even going to use it as the focus at their next leadership meeting. The worst person, on the other hand… well, let’s just say he did not appreciate my letter. He didn’t say this outright, but I’m guessing from all the insults that he wasn’t a fan. After starting with a normal greeting, he asked how I got his email address, which wasn’t in the ‘I’m glad you contacted me’ tone. That wasn’t a good start, but I still had hope for the conversation… I shouldn’t have, but I did. I was then given a lecture about how churches are meant to be independent units and that some aren’t meant to invite new people; curious, when that’s not Biblical. When I asked him about this he responded with some of the worst words you can hear: “No offence, but…” Whenever someone says this they never finish the sentence with “No offence, but I love you,” “No offence, but you’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met,” “No offence, but here’s a million dollars.” As expected, he didn’t finish the phrase “No offence, but…” like that; he chose, however, to go with, “No offence, but if you were my youth pastor I would fire you.” It turned out he misread my opening line saying I’m “no longer a youth pastor” and thought I was skipping out on my church every week for 40 weeks. If that were the case, I’d fire me too. When I corrected this, however, I was given a lecture about how I’m a meddler and too young to understand how things work. That always feels good. When he asked my age – something he should’ve done before saying I was too young – he was surprised. He tried to recover by saying, “Well, uh… well I’ve been a pastor a lot longer than you,” which I think is safe to say is a “brilliant” argument. After he called me a meddler a second time he added that I’m a “busy body” which is an insult usually reserved for mother-in-laws and stepmothers. He then topped it off by calling me “un-teachable,” which is a nice way of saying “You’re stupid and stubborn, which makes you even more stupid.” After this tri-fecta insult he hung up. He didn’t say good bye, I have to go, or toodles (which is a very fun way to say good-bye; he just hung up. It was the most confusing conversation I have ever had on the phone. He attacked me, insulted me repeatedly and then hung up like I did something wrong. He could have at least given me the courtesy of letting me say something insulting to give him a reason to be angry like “I’m sorry ma’am, but are you on your period?” you know, something really inaccurate and inappropriate like what he was saying to me. At least let me say something I can regret instead of leaving me regretting not saying anything besides a question.
Now that the emotions have settled I can now see the lesson this worst person was trying to teach me: Some people just aren’t good people. So am I going to let his comments haunt me? Am I going to let a comment like ‘you’re not teachable’ bother me when I’ve been told by so many others that being teachable is one of my best qualities? The unfortunate truth is even though I know the truth, like many people, this new thought is going to stick with me. That’s the danger of a bully; they put false ideas into our heads that we have to fight to get out again. If my lesson is to remember that some people aren’t good people then my challenge is to not let their words resonate in my head. My challenge is to recognize the lie and to not think about it anymore. What a lousy gift to be given, but I guess it’s really just another opportunity to grow.
This week may you silence the voice of your bully, and listen to the good things instead.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people