I remember riding the limo to the cemetery for my dad’s burial service staring out the window thinking how all the day to day things I would worry about were all so meaningless. They might have felt like they mattered in the moment, but they really meant nothing in the face of death. That’s the power of losing a loved one; it takes us out of the moment, and it gives us a bigger perspective of life. Considering this idea, I would argue there are three main types of anxiety:
- Surface Level: These are the day to day anxieties we face. They can matter to us in the moment, but we get through them and carry on.
- Life Threatening Level: When people are at risk of death, there is a whole new level of fear. This is meant to be intense because it’s a very dangerous situation, and we are meant to drop everything to address it.
- Foundational Level: This is something we should all be worried about on some level at different points: What is the purpose of life? What happens after we die? What if there is a God?
I should note that I call the first category Surface Level because it’s ultimately superficial things that ten years down the road won’t mean anything to us; they only make us anxious for a moment. This title isn’t meant to claim that we should never feel this kind of anxiety. Despite that moment in the limo, I still have things that cause me anxiety today because they should cause me anxiety. I’m not an emotionless robot. I should feel anxiety when there’s something happening that should be causing me anxiety because it increases my attention and helps motivate me to move. We should have some anxiety for things like tests or even planning trips because it encourages us to prepare. We should even feel a little anxious buying Christmas presents because it helps our creativity and make it more exciting to give. Ultimately, anxiety is supposed to motivate us to do something to fix the problem – it’s meant to stop us from hiding or pretending things are fine. If there’s a danger, we should be running from; we should run away from it. If there’s a situation we should be fighting for; anxiety should be motivating us to fight. Anger is like the big brother of anxiety: (if anger was a person) “My little brother is in trouble. I’ll save him!” Emotions, in general, are a gift. They protect us and make life more interesting. It’s like a good movie – when emotions are stirred, it’s more interesting.
Our culture tends to treat anxiety like a plague, but it’s a gift meant to protect us and help life be more exciting. For instance, the first two levels of anxiety can be something people use to feel alive. It can be riding a roller coaster that scares us (Surface Level) or skydiving for the first time (Life Threatening Level). At the same time, if we don’t handle anxiety properly, it can be very damaging.
A serious problem develops when we have too many Surface Level things pile up and overwhelm us. Typically in these situations, being overwhelmed is a sign we’ve been making bad choices and we need to smarten up like people who overspend or procrastinate too much. This can also be really stupid choices people make that cause much bigger problems: (person drinking) “I can schtill drive. I’m not that drunken.” Being overwhelmed by Surface Level things can also be a sign that we’re making a big deal out of nothing. As the saying goes, “Don’t make mountains out of mill hills.” Some people are amazing mountain makers. Some of these people create the mountains from anything they can find, especially if they’re drawn to drama or feeling sorry for themselves: (12 year old girl crying) “My parents won’t buy me the new IPhone. I’m stuck with last year’s model. It’s so unfair!” That was a true moment I had years ago volunteering in a grade seven class. I’m sure her sadness brought a tear to your eyes… because of how pathetic a problem that is to be crying about.
Another serious problem is when people use anxiety as an excuse not to fix the problem – that’s the total opposite of what we should be doing since anxiety is meant to motivate us to move. Sure, anxiety can cause the fight, flight, and freeze reaction, which means we can freeze like a possum in the face of danger, but freezing should be used as a way to pause and think through the problem. It’s not meant to make us stop and do nothing as we wait for life to get worse. Anxiety is never supposed to be used as a reason to do nothing. I get so frustrated when people tell me things like “I can’t do that thing I need to do to make my life better because I’m too anxious.” It’ll make your life better, so do it! Why settle for less just because of anxiety, an emotion you’re supposed to feel when you’re about to do something uncomfortable. I’ve worked with teenagers who complained that they had an anxiety problem, so they would skip class for a week. When I asked if their anxiety got worse each day because they knew they were now further behind from skipping the day before they’d say yes. I would then tell them they don’t have an anxiety problem, they have a skipping class problem. They’re supposed to feel increasingly anxious for skipping class and getting behind. They should also feel some guilt in there because they’re breaking rules. I’m sure you can guess how much they liked hearing my honesty: “No, I have anxiety.” Anxiety is supposed to get worse the more you hide from it because it’s our body’s way of pushing us to do something to make it better. You have to face it if you ever want to reduce it. As the old parenting saying goes, “It’s time to put your big boy/girl panties on and do what’s right. (Anxious person) “But I have anxiety!” Yeah, but you’re stronger than your fear, so stop using it as an excuse to be lazy… which I normally say in much gentler terms. As Mark Twain claimed, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” (There’s a saying that can make me sound educated for knowing, but I got it from the Tom Cruise movie, The Edge of Tomorrow… such a good movie!) Anxiety is an emotion meant to drive us forward; not hide in a corner.
One of the worst things we can do is use anxiety medication as a way to hide from what’s bothering us; it’s meant to help us deal with the problem. Several weeks ago I discussed medication and whether we should be taking it or not. The most important point from that lesson is that whether you take medication or not, we need to be asking, “What is my body telling me?” Our bodies are really smart. Our brains can lie to us, but our bodies are really good at getting our attention: (body) “You aren’t dealing with this issue. I guess you’re not going to sleep very well tonight.” “You’re not acknowledging this problem? I guess I’m going to make it hard for you to enjoy things like you normally do and leave you feeling melancholy.” “You keep ignoring me? Guess you’re getting a panic attack because this issue has gone on long enough.” Anxiety is a gift we need to start embracing and not seeing as a bully. After all, what most people are scared of is all Surface Level stuff that will mean nothing after the situation is done or when a loved one dies.
I was once told, “Your anxiety is what you don’t trust God to help you with or He didn’t make you strong enough to handle.” It’s hard to argue that point. Of course, God doesn’t stop bad things from happening, so I have limited trust for Him that way, but I should trust Him for how strong He made me. After all, lots of people go through life without Him and they’re fine. I have Him on my side, which means I’m that much stronger.
One of the most dangerous things about Surface Level anxiety is it can prevent us from thinking deeper. I’ve been on this kick these past few months looking at how the devil can mess with us and anxiety is an incredible way to do this. Not only does it overwhelm us in the moment, make us question our ability and whether God is there or loves us (the lesson from last week), it can blind us from the more important issue – Foundation anxiety. This is what we will look at next week, which will help make the title of this lesson make more sense.
To be continued.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, Learning to love dumb people (like me)