A few years ago I was in a bookstore… a legitimate bookstore, which I want to point out because of the title of this blog. On the one shelf I noticed a book called Porn for Women. I know I’m not a ‘women’ or woman, but I was intrigued. I know what guys think is sexy: (lame guy) “I like a girl’s eyes.” Yes, of course… but you probably also really like one of her other physical features but too embarrassed to admit it. If you were that obsessed with eyes, you’d become an optometrist… huhn, suddenly I’m not so thrilled about my wife getting her eyes checked. Ultimately, guys are pretty simple. There’s never a lot of mystery for how to get a guy’s attention. I remember when I first started dating my wife, we were in the middle of a fight, and for some reason she leaned over… What were we talking about? Guys are simple. Girls? Well, there’s always more of a mystery there, so I wanted to see what this book, Porn for Women, would show. Before opening the book I made sure no one was around… except the other guy trying to hide that he was already looking at the book. The book was pretty amusing. It was pictures of good looking guys doing chores around the house. For instance, there was a guy vacuuming, and another guy changing the cat litter. Is this what women really want? After talking to a lot women married to men who prefer doing anything but work around the house, this book seems pretty bang on.
So why is the title of this post ‘Better than Porn for Men’? Because I now realize that book is actually a lie. What does a woman really want? The truth is, whatever it is the guy’s not doing. I’ve seen many couples in therapy where the guy says things like “I do more chores and keep the house cleaner than she does, and she’s still not happy!” How is that possible when this book says a guy doing chores is sexy? Yeah, it’s super sexy for women to see a guy doing chores… when their guy doesn’t do them. When he is, there’s a good chance his partner is still able to find something else to complain about like he doesn’t clean well enough. I’ve found women are incredible at finding new ways to grow and improve things… which is another way of saying they’re good at seeing what’s bad. Thus, my conclusion: If you want something that’s more attractive to a guy than porn (for married men anyway), it’s simply a beautiful woman praising him. Men love hearing things like “Wow, you work so hard,” “I can’t believe how amazing you are at that,” and “I’m so lucky to have a man like you.” What a lot of modern men (men who don’t expect their wives to do all the housework) want is simply to be appreciated. I know women will argue, “But no one appreciates what I do.” Actually I bet there is someone. You know who appreciates all the work women do? Women. I have found that women typically do things to make other women happy. Do women dress up and get fancy for their husband? Nope. It’s to impress (or avoid criticism) from other women. Why do men do anything like dress up and go out to parties (parties they typically don’t want to go to)? For their woman. Men and women are motivated for different reasons. Neither is better nor worse; we’re just different. Of course, there are always exceptions (especially when women are so mysterious), but I’m yet to meet a man who doesn’t value being appreciated by the person he loves more than anything else even porn.
This week may you appreciate your partner for all they do.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people