Pornography is a conversation piece usually reserved for stand up comedians, crude conversations often inspired by alcohol, or when someone’s been caught with it on their phone or computer. Regardless of your stance, porn is something we know most men watch or have watched, but we would rather not think about it. It’s in the same category as bowel movements, and our parents having sex… gross. We may assume it’s happened or happening, but we don’t want the images in our brain. That being said, there is something about porn that I think everyone should know because from my experience this isn’t commonly understood, and it can reduce some of the hurt associated to it. For the record, I won’t make a stand for whether I’m okay with porn or not because no matter what my stance is I will upset people; thus, I will stay in that middle of the road spot where everyone can be upset with you. I don’t want to play favourites; I’ll let everyone be angry at me.
What you need to know about porn is men don’t typically watch it to upset anyone (that’d be a strange motivation), or to say ‘screw you’ (this might happen after a fight, but it’s not healthy because the guy should follow Marvin Gaye’s advice and find sexual healing with his partner because it’s good for you). Guys typically watch porn because it connects to their desire to feel like ‘the man’. When I say ‘the man’ I mean ‘the man’. Did that definition help? Being ‘the man’ is a lot like being the godfather from the movie, The Godfather, (that’s an easy fact to remember). This is someone people look up to and seek help and guidance from because he is so powerful. The modern day equivalent would be Vin Diesel’s character in Fast and the Furious, but he doesn’t have a cat, so he’s not as impressive. Guys wanting to feel like ‘the man’ leads guys to do the craziest, the bravest, and sometimes the stupidest things possible. It leads men to racing Dodge neon’s down suburban streets and trying to jump over empty pools only to land doing the splits on the concrete edge… a hilarious video by the way; the guy may not have made it, but he’s still ‘the man’ in his friends’ eyes because he will be talked about for years to come for his hilarity.
The best way for a man to feel like ‘the man’ is to make a woman happy – one of the reasons we hate nagging and fighting. And the best way for a man to know if he’s made a woman as happy as possible is if he can sexually pleasure a woman. This is where porn fits in because when a man watches porn it’s about making a woman happy, or at least the illusion of making a woman happy. If you want to make a pornographic film that doesn’t make any money here’s the key: Include a very bored woman. You could have the most beautiful woman in the world, say Emma Watson, surrounded by the second and third hottest girl in the world, say Emma Watson at age 30 and 40, and if she’s yawning, complaining about your weight, maybe reading a magazine as a distraction to put up with you touching her, and asking “Are you done yet?” no guy is going to watch this because this kind of apathy is one of man’s biggest fears. Watching porn isn’t necessarily about seeing women; it’s about the illusion of making women happy. A girl screaming “Here’s something inappropriate yet appropriate for me to say at this time,” makes a guy feel like ‘the man’ because it’s like praise and appreciation crammed together in an exciting union of bless. Thus, women should help their partner figure out how to excite them with caring words because it feels really good for the guy when he can make his woman really excited.
Whether you agree with guys watching porn or not, what you need to realize is that a lot of guys watch it to have the illusion that they’re ‘the man’ and can make a woman happy. This doesn’t mean guys should be watching porn, but it does mean that couples need to figure out what it means for a guy to make his partner happy in life in general, and what type of rejection knocks him down. A guy wanting to make his partner happy is a wonderful tool for developing a relationship, so we need to find how to use this to strengthen our marriages, and help keep families together.
Rev Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people