Please note: This post is written with a heart of love and not judgment… I apologize if you were hoping for judgment.
In the spring I wrote two blogs where I used biblical evidence and experience to argue that being gay isn’t the sin that many Christians have claimed it is (post one, & two). I can understand why someone would be homosexual. As a guy, I can see why girls would be attracted to girls… mmm girl parts. As a guy with a wife, I’m grateful there are people who can be attracted to guys… ew guy parts. What I can’t wrap my head around is why anyone would question whether they were born the wrong gender, and I think this is one of the greatest hurtles that people who are transgender face. I feel sorry for them because they are dealing with an issue the vast majority of people can’t wrap their head around. Most people can understand depression because at some point we’ve all felt low. Most people can understand cheating because who hasn’t looked at a celebrity or stranger and been like “Whoa.” For instance, the other night my wife and I had a fight whether John Legend is hot or not. She doesn’t find him attractive, and I was like “What?” which was the extent of my argument because how can you not find him hot? His name is Legend! The only name more appropriate would be John Hotness. Most people can wrap their head around a lot of things because we can relate to it, but most people can’t relate to wanting to be the opposite sex, which leaves those who are transgender in a tough place. I think my biggest confusion is I dated a girl for five years until she dumped me for a woman six years older and arguably a lot manlier as she resembled a German Olympic weightlifter. This woman wasn’t transgender; she was a lesbian… a very manly lesbian So what’s the difference between a manlier woman and a woman who claims she is a man? Why is one happy being a woman and the other willing to go to extreme lengths to become a man?
To help reduce my ignorance I’ve been listening to a book called Raising Ryland: Our Story of Parenting a Transgender Child with No Strings Attached. This is the story of a child who was born a girl to a Christian family in the States, but wanted to be a boy. To add to this issue, Ryland was born deaf and diagnosed late, which caused her to be a little delayed in her development. The guilt of this set the stage for the stay-at-home mom being extra careful to not do anything that could again delay her child’s development. At first the parents assumed Ryland was a tomboy, and then they assumed she would be a lesbian, but by age four… four… her mom says she felt it was more than that. The mom claims something was different about Ryland because she refused to wear a shirt around the house, and she hated the colours pink and purple, and anything girly. At Disneyland, Ryland didn’t care about the princesses but loved Star Wars. She hated girls’ clothes so much she would purposely wet herself, so her mom would change her into something hopefully less girly. Ryland loved three piece suits and would pee standing even though she had worse aim than a drunk guy with both hands holding cans of beer. Apparently she never hit the toilet and then left the mess causing the bathroom to smell. Listening to these details I was getting frustrated. First off, my wife loves Star Wars and she’s pretty girly, so is that a problem? As a boy I loved The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast because I liked good movies. Second, boys aren’t known for being fashion savvy until they grow up and feelings of rejection and ugliness spur an interest if at all in fashion. None of the guys I grew up with dreamed of three piece suits; does that make them less boyish? Maybe Ryland is not so much a guy as she is the next gen Hilary Clinton. As far as not wanting to wear a shirt is she a 60 year old man cutting his lawn? Wear a shirt… and yes, this is a message for both Ryland and 60 yr old men cutting their lawn shirtless. No one wants to see that. For me, I’ve always hated taking off my shirt in public; does that make me a girl? What baffles me the most is Ryland’s insistence on peeing standing. How’d she even know about that? I was taught to go sitting because it’s a lot cleaner. No one should want their bathroom glistening with urine spray on the floor and walls, which is the natural result of guys standing to go. How does standing make her a boy? It just makes her messy. And she’d leave puddles of urine? That’s just dumb because she’s leaving evidence. And what’s wrong with purple? As a kid, I loved purple… until the Teletubbies ruined it for a couple years, but now pink and purple are considered very masculine when worn properly. Plus, when it comes to kids’ clothes, when I was five, I wore a lot of hand-me-downs. I hated hand-me-downs, but I wore them because I had to, you know, like normal kids, and I wouldn’t wet myself to get new clothes; gross. The thing that upset me the most is Ryland’s mom said Ryland asked “Why did God make me this way?” as a way for the mom to show how terrible a situation it was for Ryland, but this isn’t a unique question. When I was her age (and for many years after), being overweight and struggling in school, I asked my mom this same question a bunch of times. I couldn’t understand why God would make me this way when I went to church every week and memorized Bible verses while my one friend who never went to church, and used bad language like ‘fart’ – the f word in my house – was the smartest and most athletic kid in the class. Shouldn’t I be rewarded for my work? After listening to some of the story of Ryland I can’t help but feel more confused about the transgender situation because it doesn’t sound that unusual: You like things and do things that aren’t the same as everyone else; isn’t that uniqueness what makes her special? I stopped listening to the book when the parents were looking into hormone treatment to make the transition real for their 5 year old. Apparently in Canada this isn’t allowed until the young person is older, and maybe that’s what bugged me; all I knew was something just doesn’t sit well in my gut about all of this. Please know I’m not trying to say that Ryland’s parents are bad or dumb; I have no right to critique them when I haven’t been in their situation. It does, however, lead me right back to where I began: I don’t understand this transgender world, and I feel sorry for anyone who is transgender as they will continually meet people like me who just don’t get it. That being said, hopefully the people they encounter will at least treat them with love.
To end today’s post I will close in a prayer: Dear Lord, please help me love those around me whether I understand them or not. They are Your children as much as I am; You love them, and so I will too. Please help those who are transgender to feel Your presence, experience Your love, and may they find peace in their hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.
Rev. Chad David, www.ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people