Yes, this is an unusual title for a post written by a reverend, but it’s true. And it has to be true based on the one saying I’m constantly using: There’s good in all things. Understanding this is actually the key to happiness. In fact, most of my job as a therapist is to help people recognize the good in their lives. Even in the worst situations, there is good, which we need to see in order to find healing. This idea also has to be true because when I was young, I could find the bad in the best of situations. Thus, it makes sense that the opposite must also be true. If there’s bad in all things, there must also be good.
Please Note: This is not meant to justify or encourage the use of pornography because everything also has a dark side. For instance, porn can be highly addictive, lead to shame, secrets, wasted time, hurting people, and severe damage to a marriage. That being said, there’s also a good side to it, which I’ll address.
- Porn is good because it points out the discrimination we have towards men in our society. One of the big arguments against pornography is how it exploits women… um, there’s both a man and woman in the video… at least in basic heterosexual pornography. Why is it exploitation for the woman and not the man? Both are “actors” being paid to be in the video, and she’s likely getting paid more. Both are performing acts that should be reserved for the one they love. Both are being objectified, and both probably don’t really care. Being in these videos can be damaging for both the man and woman, but it’s like the double standard in many situations that go unnoticed in Western society: Discrimination is acceptable as long as it’s towards men. Can you tell I don’t like this reality?
- Porn is good because if a married man is using it alone it points out that there’s likely something really off in the relationship. God gave us sex in order to feel connected to our partner in a fun and joyful way. Using porn is a second rate form of sex, and misses the healing and connecting power of real sex with our partner. Thus, if a man is sneaking around to watch porn on his own this is an obvious sign that the couple has some issues to address in their relationship.
- Porn can give you tips on what to try. I know a common complaint is that porn gives unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, it’s not like its filmed using terrible ideas: (man) “I’m going to pleasure you by kicking sand in your eyes.” (woman) “Mmm that sounds good. And I’m going to use a blow torch to burn off every individual back hair.” (man) “You know what I like, baby, third degree burns.” In filming, things typically get exaggerated, but there’s likely going to be some decent techniques and ideas used.
- Porn can help you know what you like or might like. What someone watches is likely going to reflect what they want with their partner.
- Porn is something some couples will enjoy together to add flavor to their relationship. I know the sex therapist at my office recommends femme porn, which is supposed to be made in a way that’s more respectful to women… I’m not really sure what this is or what that means, but it’s something a professional recommends, so it’s worth noting. Again, notice how it’s described to be “respectful of women” and there’s no concern for the men.
- Porn further proves that men like visual stimulation. A lot of women don’t understand the appeal of pornography because they’re more aroused by feelings, especially the feeling of being special, which is what romance is about. Men, however, are less turned on by “feelings” than they are with something visually attractive. This is the same reason why there are lots of stores with lingerie for women and not so much for men… of course, this is on top of the fact that the male body is pretty ugly.
- Porn may (I’m not saying “will”, but “may”) reduce the chance of affairs and lustful thoughts men have towards women when they see them in reality. Just like some people can smoke weed without it leading to heavier drug use, occasionally watching porn can satisfy the hormone levels enough in order to help a guy be level headed, and think straight. Of course, I’m not recommending wives encourage their partners to use porn because it can also have the total opposite effect, and lead a man down a bad path of seeking a cheap thrill. That being said, in some ways it can be medicinal for helping alleviate the risk of stupid behavior brought on by overflowing hormones. After all, a horny man is, in many ways, a mentally handicapped man because he has one major thing on his mind. But again, don’t forgot point number 2.
This topic is controversial and I hope I haven’t offended anyone. My goal is to demonstrate there is good in all things even in something like porn, which is something a lot of people hate.
This week, may you start to see the good in all things, even those you don’t like because the world is full of good; we often just miss seeing it.
Rev. Chad David, ChadDavid.ca, learning to love dumb people