Quick Note: Yes, this article is going to be a two part-er. How exciting is that? It’s like in the show 24 when you’re left anticipating the next episode to see what happens. This is going to be just like that… minus the anxiety or the question of why does Jack Bauer always end up in such intense 24 hour predicaments? He has worse luck than Bruce Willis in the Die Hards. Although I guess it’s not a bad trade off to have bad things happen to you when you’re invincible. For instance, in Die Hard 5 everyone has radiation suits to protect them while Bruce saunters in wearing a leather jacket (Bruce): “I’m already bald; what could be worse than that?” When it comes to radiation, the answer is a lot.
The True Article: I love public trashcans. Of course, by “love” I mean they’re fantastic. I’m not romantically in love with public trashcans; I’ve liked a few trashy girls, but that’s as far as my trash interest developed. When I see trashcans in fast food restaurants I don’t have uncontrollable urges to cuddle with them. I also don’t speak seductively when I put my garbage in them: “You like that? Yeah, I bet you do. I have more where that came from.” I think trashcans are fantastic because I have never met anyone or anything more polite. No matter what you shove in them, they say thank you in bold letters: THANK YOU. When full caps are used it’s meant to relate an extreme emotion: “You left your underwear on the floor AGAIN!!!” This means trashcans are not only saying thank you to be nice like when someone gives you a gift you didn’t want: “Oh great; thankssssss” where the ‘s’ hangs in the air because you’re trying not to sound sarcastic but you’re not really trying that hard. No, in this instance the trashcan is being emphatically excited with politeness: “THANK YOU. I LOVE TRASH; it’s the greatest thing in the whole world. Without trash I wouldn’t have a purpose. If I wasn’t given trash, I’d be trash and thrown out in a bigger, less polite trash can. So THANK YOU; THANKYOU; THANK YOU.” Trashcans even they love all forms of garbage: leftover food scraps, dirty diapers, pictures of Rob Ford, and the trashcan still says THANK YOU. It’s wonderful. If you have to puke: THANK YOU. If you have to go the washroom and there’s no one around: THANK YOU (no, I haven’t done this. Thought about it, but no. Trees aren’t as polite, but they’re an easier target). I can do anything I want to a trashcan and it’s still polite. It’s fantastic.
If only love worked like that relationships would be so much easier. If we could say anything we wanted, however we wanted, and our partner graciously said thank you, we’d never fight: (angry person) “You are so stupid! You left a dirty dish on the counter. I could train a dog to put it in the dishwasher. A dog! A really stupid dog! I’m so angry I’m going to yell in FULL CAPS!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” (Trashcan like partner) “Thank you for your honesty and sharing it in such a clear manner. I don’t feel defensive for being mistreated, resentful for being yelled at and I don’t have a desire to cut your brake lines. Want to cuddle?” Wouldn’t it be great if we never had to filter what we said? (Jerk male) “Wow, look at her. She’s so much younger and sexier than you with your flabby, double chin, dangly, neck hammock that swings around when you talk.” (Trashcan like partner) “Thank you for sharing your observation with me. She is prettier, but personally I think the dangly neck hammock adds character.” We could essentially talk like drunk people who have lost their filters: (Drunk person) “You know what your problem is?” (Trashcan partner) “That’s a plant; I’m over here.” If our partner always said thank you we could treat them like garbage and never feel bad for it. We could say what we want and never worry about them yelling back or leaving thumb tacks in our pillows. They’d never cry so us guys would never feel horrible for making our girl cry; or you ladies wouldn’t have to second guess whether you’re actually a lesbian and that’s why you’re with a guy who cries in front of you. (No, I’m not saying guys shouldn’t cry, but we need to be careful when and where). If we could treat our partner like a trash can life would be so easy… wouldn’t it?
If our partner simply said thank you for whatever we said or did we should actually be scared. For one, they’re likely going to explode one day. People can only take so many attacks before they snap. Two, if we’re angry at them and they remain happily polite that would likely make us even angrier at them: (Angry person) “Stop smiling! You should feel sad or angry when I get mad at you!” Three, if that person is happily smiling when we’re upset, he or she either doesn’t care about us or he or she doesn’t experience any guilt or shame. This would then beg the question does he or she know how to show empathy, which is an important emotion for connecting with others. Four, if the person doesn’t care when we’re upset that could be a sign he or she is involved with someone else, and he or she is just waiting for an opportunity to leave. Thus, our partner acting polite like a trashcan is actually really dangerous.
Even worse, the way we treat our partner teaches us how to treat others. If we treated our partner like a trashcan that would train us to treat everyone horribly thereby creating an even meaner society. Thus, we should be grateful we have to be polite to others because it forces us and others to try to be at our best. It encourages us to learn self control and how to use a filter when we talk thereby making a nicer society. Ultimately, treating others well helps us become better people. At the same time, if you feel like someone’s trashcan, you need to figure out how to properly change this… which is where we’re going to go next week; duhn, duhn, duhn
This week may you start to see any times when you take your partner for granted and treat them like a trashcan or put an end to being someone else’s trashcan.
Rev Chad David, Emotional Sex, emotional tune up